If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
I went to watch a play and there were so many peach errors in the dialogues.
How can we tell the difference between a can of beef soup and a can of pork soup? Just read the labels.
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
When I was in basic training we couldn't have salt or pepper.
Those were reserved for the seasoned veterans.
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
What does a cheese lover say when someone keeps messing around with them?
“You gouda brie kidding!”
In a romantic date, Romeo says to Juliette “Baby! You are the pineapple of my eyes!”
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
What do you call a strong pumpkin?
A Jacked-o-Lantern.
What do you call a healthy dinosaur? Tea-Rex.
Did you know dried fruits favorite news segments is...
Current events.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
I hate it when I run out of bread for breakfast. I am lack-toast intolerant.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!
What do you call a cow that has 1 leg? Steak
Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
"You are so bottlefull to me."
If I buy you guacamole, will you sleep with me?
You must think I’m some kind of avocad-ho.
The fruit stutters because it suffers from a peach impediment.
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
Potatoes that are medi-tators maintain calm and peace even when uprooted.
When is a pumpkin not a pumpkin? When you drop it; then it's squash!
What do you call a potato that’s reluctant to jump into boiling water? A hesi-tater.
When the chef asked me how I would like my soup, I said "I would like minestrone".
What was the watermelon’s naughty pick-up line?
“Want to see my melons?”
What excuse did the late watermelon give his boss? He said be there in 5 boss, I’m just rind the corner.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
Did you hear about the banana who went to the doctor's because he wasn't peeling very well?
What's a pickle's favorite book?
To Dill A Mockingbird.
Hot dog, I love a good meat pun.
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked. It was earie.
Did you hear about the flatmate who woke up to a spicy toothbrush? He had it cumin.
"Hakuna Moscato. It means drink wine."
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
The young woman decided to become a professional baker. She realized that it could help her earn her bread and butter.