A strawberry usually needs batteries when it runs out of juice.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
"You can't sip with us."
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his donut?
He was stuffed!
I don’t wanna taco ‘bout it
What did the pickle say when he was told he was going in to a salad?
I relish the thought.
What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
Love is also like a pineapple: They both are undefinable and sweet.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
I'm the pun King of Halloween.
I hate it when I run out of bread for breakfast. I am lack-toast intolerant.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What does a duck that’s made of avocado say?
Guac.
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
What did the banana do when he saw a monkey? The banana split!
Where should you call if you find a bad cheese shop?
The feta business bureau.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
What do you get when you spill soup on a comic book? Souperman.
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
What do you do when you try to bake a cherry pie for the first time and it doesn't turn out so well? Just wait for the second bite of the cherry.
Where do you store peach juice? Inside of a peach-er.
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
Shucking takes lots of corn-centration.
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
A new bakery in town began ding extremely well. They said that business was definitely on the rise.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
When she spotted fake ramen in her soup, she said, “ This soup has impasta in it.”
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
What's black, white, orange, and waddles? A penguin carrying a Jack-o-lantern.
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
What do potatoes become when they smoke weed?
Baked potatoes.
Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
Strawberries.
Where's a pickle's favorite place to go in London?
Pickle-dilly Square.
I've just invented a new Canadian beer
It's a form of I.P.Eh
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
What did the grilled cheese sandwich say to their date?
“You make me melt.”