Just found a fly in my beer. I'm feeling buzzed.
Why shouldn't you be too inquisitive with a cherry? Ask no questions tell no pies.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts!
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
Why doesn’t anyone invite an ice cream cone to their party?
They’re a drip.
A boy lines up to get some apple juice and a girl lines up to get some orange juice
This would be funny but there’s no punchline.
Somebody was doing a speech and said, "This might be corny," and pulled out a couple of canned corns. Guess what happened next?
Total pundemonium.
If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and leave, it could spell disaster.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
When I refused to have the soup, my sister said "People who do not have soup are stew-pid".
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
When the egg saw the pan, it was terri-fried.
Having pineapple on a pizza is quite like going down on a cousin: It might taste good, but something is not right.
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
What does a birthday cake and a baseball team have in common?
They both need good batters.
How do comedians like their eggs?
Funny side up.
In the 1970s, hippies loved going to a Grateful Dead concert and getting toasted. That’s certainly the truth.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
What song was the peach listening to? 'Stronger with Peach Tear'.
I hope for world peas.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.
"Thanks a brunch for the meal!", said the punny man when he sat to eat.
What type of window do donuts prefer in their homes?
Double glazed.
What did the insulted orange say to the kiwi? Ex-squeeze-me?
Why don't bananas snore? Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
What do you call a pig thats wrong? Mistaken bacon.
What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are $2.50. Deer nuts are under a buck
Don't drink too much coffee after breakfast. You might face a latte problems.
Why did the man go into the pizza business?
He wanted to make some dough.
I yam always very happy to eat sweet potatoes.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
What is Bruce Lee’s favourite fruit? Wataaaaar melooooon?
Who did the Caribbean jerk fall in love with? The Spice Girl next door.
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
What was the cheese’s strategy when it ran for president?
Make America grate again.
Q: What anime series do fruits like to watch?
A: One peach.
How did Reese eat her ice cream? Witherspoon.
Which language do oranges use to speak to each other? Mandarin.
What did Einstein say when someone tried to steal his beer?
Nein! Mine Stein!
What did the apple teacher say to her student? Help me orange the chairs please!
What do you get when you throw lettuce into the ocean?
I don't know lettuce sea.