Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
I had a goat’s cheese pizza the other day.
He wasn’t happy.
Why did the banana go out with a lemon?
Because it couldn't find a date!
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
Did you hear about the bread party? It’s scone be a lot of fun, and wheat love for you to join us.
Did you hear? The pilgrims rode the May-Flour so that they could bake bread as they went to America. This is a cute option.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
Q: What kind of decisions do peaches make?
A: Fruitful ones.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!
A farmer complained that he didn't have enough fruit to make a living.
I told him he needs to grow a pear.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
Some cherry puns are just pit-i-ful.
What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror ? Halloumi (Hello me)
Why does everyone want ice cream to be on their team?
Because with them, anything is popsicle.
Tea pun-packed poem for my mum's birthday card
It’s been oolong time since my mum was born,
About Six-tea years to date,
Chai as you might, you can’t possible list,
her cupious amazing traits
Her balanced demeanour
Her Kindness and (earl) grace,
rooibost sense of humour,
too many to name in this teany space,
to pekoe out just a few does not do her justice,
let’s not stir things up and cause more of a ruckus,
While this ode may be (chamo)miles away from a Maya Angelou,
It’s just an obnoxious way to say how very matcha I love you.
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? CHICKEN CAESER SALAD.
Why does Satan not eat the bread part of the pizza?
Because he's the Anti-Crust!
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite video game, well it's definitely 'Super Princess Peach'.
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
I saw a pun on chocolate bars but it wasn’t that fun
So I just snickered.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
Why was the pizzeria desperate for business?
Because they kneaded the dough!
What kind of birthday cake do they serve in heaven?
Angel food cake.
The best thing ever to put in a strawberry pie is your teeth.
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
He had a halloweener.
Do you know why bread hates warm weather? It just makes things too toasty.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
When would an apple be not an apple? When it is a pineapple!
Mom: Did you watch the movie with the little pumpkins?
Dad: I stopped it early because it was too gourdy for me.
What’s the worst thing about a bread pun?
It tends to get stale.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
Did you know that Beethoven's favorite fruit
Ba Na Na Naaa...Ba Na Na Naaa...
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.