What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
How do you make dog bread? You use collie flour.
Meat cutters are really no good at stand up comedy; they tend to butcher all the best jokes.
The orange said to the melon, “You are one in a melon.” The melon replied, “You are so appealing.”
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
Accidentally I spilt some tomato ketchup in my eye.
In Heinze sight, it was my mistake.
What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that's all up in your face? Too close for comfort food.
In the 1970s, hippies loved going to a Grateful Dead concert and getting toasted. That’s certainly the truth.
Join us and let’s make pizza cheese grate again.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
Why did the citrus fruit join the military?
“Because it was a navel orange.”
Following a recipe, says I need: pears, five cubed. 125 sounds like a lot of pears for a pie…
If you get an email about pork salt and fat, don't open it.
It's Spam.
What do you tell your friend after she breaks up with a cheese lover?
You’re cheddar off without him!
How is bacon like southern Europe?
It's got a lot of Greece in it.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
How does lettuce listen to music?
Headphones.
How did the hotdog overcome his fear of ketchup? He mustered up the courage.
Q: What do you get when you walk around with cherries in your shoes?
A: Toe jam.
The scientist was meticulous about his strawberry pies. He rounded up the protein content of his pie at 3.14.
What drink brings you down to earth? Gravi-Tea.
What is ice cream’s favorite day of the week?
Sundae.
What do peach soldiers say to each other before they are sent into combat? – “Good luck and make sure you come back in one peach!”
Every December, I really like making an emulsion of egg yolks, melted butter and lemon juice.
So its guaranteed to be a Happy Hollandaise
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
Did I invite you to the Barbecue?
Then why are you all up in my grill?
What is a French cat's favorite dessert? Chocolate mousse!
What happened when the beer got divorced?
It became bitter.
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
What do you get when you cross an orange with a parrot? A carrot.
"Sip, sip hooray."
Did you hear about the new watermelon powered cars set to come out next year? Yeah, it’s too bad you only get a water-melon the gallon.
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
Why did the clock in the donut shop run slow?
It always went back four seconds
What do you call a strawberry in math?
A berry-able.
An angry fruit yells at traffic in front of them
“Mango!”
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener
What are the four seasons?
Salt, Pepper, Sugar and Flour.
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
Why does everyone want ice cream to be on their team?
Because with them, anything is popsicle.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
I yam always very happy to eat sweet potatoes.
How does the recipe for German Sauerbraten begin? "First invade ze kitchen."
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
How do two cherries make up after an argument? They cherry the hatchet.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, what do you get?
Arrested.
Strawberries love delicious food. Their favorite is Jam-balaya.