A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.
The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
What is red and goes putt, putt, putt? An outboard apple.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
I stopped for lunch at a German restaurant, but unfortunately got food poisoning. It really was the wurst.
Hey you like cherry preserves ?
Never mind, its probably not your jam
Why should you make a cherry pie for someone that you miss? Because absence bakes the heart grow fonder.
We failed to find the dog's bone because the owner berried it.
When shouldn't you drink a hot beverage? If it's not your cup of tea.
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.
Q: Why can’t oranges be pirates?
A: They don’t get scurvy.
Accidentally I spilt some tomato ketchup in my eye.
In Heinze sight, it was my mistake.
What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
What is a lion’s favorite cheese?
Roarquefort.
How does lettuce listen to music?
Headphones.
Why did the cheese lover hide cheese in the back of his fridge?
In queso emergency.
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
Man wins award after he died eating appetizers at a Mediterranean restaurant
It was a Post-Hummus award.
I saw a fruit running from the police recently
It was a water felon.
Following a recipe, says I need: pears, five cubed. 125 sounds like a lot of pears for a pie…
What drink breaks the ice? Flirt-Tea. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
What did the apple say to the almond? You're Nuts!
What do you do when a pickle wants to play cards?
Dill'em in.
Do not be sad because of these bad words. You are always a fineapple in my heart.
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
Did you hear about the policeman who tried to make love to a bacon slicer?
He had a tip off.
I went to watch a play and there were so many peach errors in the dialogues.
Q: What would a peach love to pet?
A: A Pit Bull.
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
You've really struck a gourd with me...
What kind of salad do termites eat?
House salad
Vampires love cookies too, they love No-stake cookies.
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.
Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.
Child: Yea...
Dad: Then why is there only one?
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
Why do communist hate bacon?
Because it’s from capitalist pigs.
What’s a potato’s least favorite dance? The Mash Potato.
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
The IT peach-guy is an expert in the field of peach synthesis.
What type of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
Plane Chocolate!
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
Why was the orange the valedictorian of her class?
She was the zest in class.
What cheese cries the most?
Babybel.
If you are a fan of alphabet soup, then you might also know times new ramen.
Q: How do you call a magic berry?
A: Cherry Potter.
What kind of cheese to beavers eat?
Edam.