What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
What do you call a punctual citrus fruit?
A Clockwork Orange.
Ever heard of French Donuts?
They’re the Beigne of my existence.
What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.
Why are apples afraid to grow in the United States? Because they don't want to be as American as apple pie.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
Why did the banana go to see the doctor? The banana was not peeling very well.
What do we get when we cross a pineapple and a pig? We have a porky – pine!
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
The only fruit that makes me feel fuzzy and warm is a peach.
What did the cheese call himself after he got dumped?
Forever provolone.
Sheep have a clever way of keeping all their four feet warm in the winter; they wear muttons.
What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
What is the name of the country near Iraq that is made entirely of cheese? Curd-istan
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
What did the salt shaker say to the graint of salt? Why you INSALT MEEE.
Which search engine is popular amongst mice? Ask Cheese.
What would a peach say to its girlfriend or boyfriend? – “You will always have a peach of my heart, baby!”
Why did the wheel act so bossy? Cause he was the "Big Cheese."
What kind of a key opens a banana? A monkey!
What did one cheese tell the other cheese on Valentine’s day?
Brie mine.
Every December, I really like making an emulsion of egg yolks, melted butter and lemon juice.
So its guaranteed to be a Happy Hollandaise
When you come across a strawberry that uses foul language, it must be berry rude.
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
What do you call a steak hurtling through space? A meat-ior!
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
Which is the Richest Cheese in the world? Paris Stilton.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
My friend thought ketchup didn’t exist
So I told him to check his sauces.
Do you know what is so special about the alphabet soup of Twitter? It only allows 140 letters.
"Be kind, re-wine."
My love for you sprouts more and more everyday!
What did the blind man say after being handed a cheese grater? "That's the most violent book I've ever read."
Why does bread hate hot weather?
It just feels too toasty.
Following a recipe, says I need: pears, five cubed. 125 sounds like a lot of pears for a pie…
Wholey-grain! You really bread my mind!
Cherry pie will set you back 10 dollars in Antigua, but 15 in Barbados. Yes, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
What do you call a dentist who doesn't like tea? Denis.
When I said "God, Thank you for this delicious noodle soup", my dad said "Ramen".
What is the chemical formula of the molecules in sweets? Carbon-holmium-cobalt-lanthanum-tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
Q: What anime series do fruits like to watch?
A: One peach.
What’s the only type of melon that changes colours at will? Well, a chamelon.