"Here for the right riesling."
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
What do you call a watermelon that spends all day at the beauty spa? Must be a hottermmelon.
The pineapple is pining for the summer.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate? A Kitty Kat bar!
What did the toast say to the psychic?
You bread my mind!
Where do you smart hot dogs go?… On the honor role.
Why did the wheel act so bossy? Cause he was the "Big Cheese."
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
Maturity is typically most rapid in a low latitude, where women and pineapples most do thrive.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
What do sophisticated fish drink? Salt-Tea.
Did you hear about the cheese failed to medal at the olympics? It fell at the final curdle
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
I can't get my wife to try Mediterranean food.
She doesn't like hummus, which is a naan-starter.
What's the opposite of Green Tea? Fat-Tea.
When I was in basic training we couldn't have salt or pepper.
Those were reserved for the seasoned veterans.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
What do you find if you hang from a cherry tree for hours and hours? You find that your arms get sore.
Why did the butter keep talking? Because he felt like he was really on a roll.
Did you hear about the bread party? It’s scone be a lot of fun, and wheat love for you to join us.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
When soup feels strained and stressed, where would it go? – A broth-el!
What do you call fake ramen noodles? An impasta.
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
Who is the funniest fruit around? Cherry Seinfeld.
A dog in a pumpkin patch is called...
a pumpkin pooch.
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
Where did Vegans come from?
Hummus Sapiens
Who wrote the book "Great Egg-spectations"?
Charles Chickens.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
How should you live your life? By seasoning the moment.
What do you call a cold little taco?
A brrr-ito.
The local baker keeps punching his doughy friend because he wants to get a rise out of him.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice.
What do you call an evil lemon?
Sour On
Why did the cheese get in trouble?
It was up to no gouda.
You better watch out before you play a game with any bread? Baguette ready to lose.
Why couldn’t the cheese sleep?
He was scared there was a munster under the bed.
Made the mistake of offering my realtor some lipton iced tea
I forgot that he only drinks realty.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to open the door.