Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
When everyone agreed with Hulk at breakfast that they love waffles more, he said, "Not all heroes wear crepes."
What did the pastry chef say when a banana cream pie he made completely satisfies a tyrannical ruler?
It hit despot.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
What did the fruit bowl say when it saw Santa Claus come down the chimney? We wish you a cherry Christmas!
Where do you store peach juice? Inside of a peach-er.
What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
What do you do when you try to bake a cherry pie for the first time and it doesn't turn out so well? Just wait for the second bite of the cherry.
Strawberries are berry healthy. They pack a punch when it comes to beating cancer and other diseases.
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
Why do communist hate bacon?
Because it’s from capitalist pigs.
What do you call it when a taco stands in your way ?
An obs-taco
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? Pineapple.
Why are oranges the smartest fruit?
Because they are made to concentrate.
What did Snow White call her chicken?
Egg White.
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
What did one hummus say to the other hummus
“Sabra.”
Whenever the peach gets angry, it looks at my face and screams: “You are just a peach of sh*t!”
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
Why are candles lit on top of birthday cakes?
It’s impossible to light them on the bottom
After I helped a peach with some work, she said, "I really ap-peach-iate your help!"
I had a salad pun, but I tossed it
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
What cheese should you use to hide a horse? Mascarpone.
What is green and brown and crawls through the grass? A Girl Scout who has lost her cookie.
What's red and has 7 dents in it?
Snow white's cherry!
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said I was jammed.
Knock Knock
Who’s there Justin Justin who? Justin time to make the donuts!
What did Yoda say when he turned a patron away for ordering a pie?
“Dough. Or doughnut. There is no pie.”
Donut even think about taking another donut!
My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice.
She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.
They say that the local baker is the breadwinner of his family. True enough.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
What’s a balanced diet like?
A slice of cake in each hand!
This joke is like the time I slipped and fell into a salad.
Corny on the Cobb.
I was walking down the street when I stood on a banana.
Luckily, I was wearing my Slipknot t-shirt.
What was the ice cream cone’s naughty pick up line?
Wanna lick me?
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
Why do bananas wear suntan lotion? Because they peel!
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
What covers the floor of the motzarella forest?
Cheese sticks.