What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
My mum makes the best soups. She is a real soup-erstar.
Chopping down other people’s cherry trees is definitely frowned upon. However, you likely won’t get into too much trouble for it – as long as you keep hold of the axe!
What do dogs like to drink? Kit-Tea.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
If your team loses the Souper Bowl, then be prepared for a lot of boouillons from your fans.
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
When you want to propose to a person who loves strawberries, just say, "I love you berry much."
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
I met a chicken once; she was desperate to join a band. She even had her own drumsticks.
A Blueberry asked a strawberry to go to hell.
That was berry rude of him
What do you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
What do you call cheese that is acting crazy? A basket queso.
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.
What did the oreo cookie say to his filling? You’re my butter half.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
Unlike peaches, nectarines don't have any fuzz, because they suffer from Alo-peach-ea.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate?
A Kitty Kat bar.
How do you make Ohio State University cookies? Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
During the summer break, I enrolled myself in a peach coding course.
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
The cookie monster couldn’t make his bed, why? Because he couldn’t find his cookie sheets.
When the bread started crying because it was toast, the loaf told him, "You deserve butter."
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
Did you hear the joke about the donut? Probably not, it was crummy!
Did you hear that the diet clinic was doing great business? They say that it’d really take your breadth away.
Hot dog, I love a good meat pun.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, what do you get?
Arrested.
Is an argument between two vegans, still called a beef?
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
What do we call a scientist who specializes in pineapples? He might be called a pineappleologist!
My friend: *Throws salt at me*
Me: Don’t assault me!
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
What is the difference between a cow that produces normal milk and a cow that produces chocolate milk?
A mootation
Be careful what you say in a corn maze. The walls have ears.
How long does it take to brew Chinese tea? Oolong time.
What do you call a potato that has turned to the dark side? Vader tots!
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
Ugh.. I ate too much hummus..
And now I filafel.