We all know that the New England Patriots have their soup in the Super Bowl.
Why don't potatoes go to parties?
They're scared of the Monster Mash.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
What did one cheese tell the other cheese on Valentine’s day?
Brie mine.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
Which Oiler great had a soft spot for Indian food? Jari Curry.
Why is cherry pie so legendary? Because it is history in the baking.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
Be like a pineapple: wear a crown, stand tall, and be always sweet on the inside.
What's the opposite of Green Tea? Fat-Tea.
What are ice cream cones like as parents?
They’re big softies.
Tony, where do I even starch? I yam so happy we’re best spuds!
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
Why are hot dogs angry? Because they are always getting roasted.
Why should you always bring a bag of tortilla chips to a party?
In queso emergency.
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
When we spill soup on the comic book, we will get soup-erman.
Q: What’s a nectarine?
A: A peach with balding problems.
Which search engine is popular amongst mice? Ask Cheese.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
How did the hotdog overcome his fear of ketchup? He mustered up the courage.
Tea pun-packed poem for my mum's birthday card
It’s been oolong time since my mum was born,
About Six-tea years to date,
Chai as you might, you can’t possible list,
her cupious amazing traits
Her balanced demeanour
Her Kindness and (earl) grace,
rooibost sense of humour,
too many to name in this teany space,
to pekoe out just a few does not do her justice,
let’s not stir things up and cause more of a ruckus,
While this ode may be (chamo)miles away from a Maya Angelou,
It’s just an obnoxious way to say how very matcha I love you.
The mother helped her child bake bread because it was a labor of loaf. True enough.
What does a loaf of bread say when breaking up with his girlfriend?
You deserve butter.
Are you a taco?
Cause you sure taco lot
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
What do you do when you try to bake a cherry pie for the first time and it doesn't turn out so well? Just wait for the second bite of the cherry.
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
My DJ friend took my advice and simplified his salad recipe.
he dropped the beet.
I’m a wrapper, so I get a lot of dough. A bread wrapper, that is.
I can't use my laptop anymore because someone spilled apple juice on it.
It was a cider attack.
“My bowl of soup must be cracked as it is all wet down here”. “Well, I guess it is because your soup has a leek in it.
A magnetic strawberry is always red and points north.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
When a man went to the doctor to get rid of the strawberry that was growing out of his head, the doctor told him, "Don't worry. I'll give you some cream for that".
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
A strawberry who is a thief is called a rob-berry
What is the only thing that can cure a sick do-nut?
An antidought!
My girlfriend was seasoning the soup. I asked, "What spice is that?", and she replied "Sage".
I said, "Sounds wise".
Hot dog, I love a good meat pun.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
Every girl is just like a pineapple: They both have many pointy defences, but they are still sweet and adorable.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
My doctor tells me I've got a bacon addiction.
Thankfully he thinks I can be cured.
What do you get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.