The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
What do you get when you fling salt in a tavern?
A barnacle (a.k.a. bar-na-cl).
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
Q: Why did the fruit stop for some time while driving?
A: It wanted to make a quick pit-stop
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
The orange was really sad at the event because it had no peelings whatsoever for the desperate prune.
Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock
What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.
In life, the rule of thumb is, don’t bite more than you can chew unless it is chocolate.
What do we call a scientist who specializes in pineapples? He might be called a pineappleologist!
Why are bread puns the greatest? They never grow mold.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
Whenever I give my daughter cherries, she stuffs them in the chair
Now we call them chairries
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
Picking strawberries can be a very fruitful endeavor!
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
The soup that my mom made for dinner healed my flu in a day. It was almost soup-er natural.
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
What did the baby corn call his dad?
Pop corn!
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
What do you call Chewbacca with chocolate stuck in its fur?
chocolate chip wookiee.
An artist painted a wonderful fruit painting. It was a beautiful peach of work.
My sister thinks that she is so intelligent. She says onion is the only food which makes her cry. That is the reason why I threw a pineapple at her face.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
What kind of candy never arrives on time? Chocolate
What do you call a pear with loose morals?
A prostifruit.
What did the therapist say to the pineapple? Look on the bright side.
What do cannibals eat for dessert? Chocolate covered aunts.
Did you hear about the corn stalk that changed careers?
He went into a different field!
How do you know that beer makes you smarter?
Because it made bud wiser.
I've been hitting the bottle pretty hard recently.
Still can't get the last of that ketchup out.
My banana grandad got in an accident last year, he bruised like a peach!
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
Why did the donut go to a therapist?
He felt empty inside.
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
We are thinking of spending the night at the peach house, by the shore.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
The cookie monster couldn’t make his bed, why? Because he couldn’t find his cookie sheets.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese!
What did the nectarine say after the church service? The peacher gave a great sermon!
How do berries start off the fruity olympics? They cherry the Olympic torch around the globe.
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
A person who only loves himself and waffles in the entire world is an Eggomaniac.
When is a pumpkin not a pumpkin? When you drop it; then it's squash!