What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
Usain bolt must be a fruit
Have you seen that mango?
I cut a dill with this spicy mami, but at the last minute she ginger mind.
What is red and goes putt, putt, putt? An outboard apple.
What is a corn's favorite song?
Corn fields forever.
How do you celebrate orange drink that doesn't expire?
Woo! Tang is forever!
I've been hitting the bottle pretty hard recently.
Still can't get the last of that ketchup out.
I told the cowboy to eat salad with his fingers
He said he needed a ranch hand.
Why was the orange skeptical of everyone around him?
He was planted with a seed of doubt.
I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard.
But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
The plural of mango should be changed to mengo
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
What does a cheese say when they look in the mirror in the morning?
Halloumi.
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
What do they say when you leave the cheese store?
Have a gouda day!
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What did the paprika tell the salt around Christmas?
Seasonings greetings.
Where does a potato go to college? DeFry
How do you spell banana? E, V, I, L. Do banana's drink coke or pepsi? Neither, they drink blood because they're evil.
What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
What do cherries write in love letters? I miss you cherry-bly.
Why did black chocolate cry over his wine glass?
Because it was his bitter half.
It was the pie piper who had led the strawberries to the bakery.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you're bacon my heart melt.
What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
He had a halloweener.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
What did the ice cream cone write on his valentine card?
You make me melt.
If you are wondering about the fuzziest character in the gaming world, well it is definitely Princess Peach.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
What is a dessert called with an extra chromosome?
A chocolate downie.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
What are ice cream cones like as parents?
They’re big softies.
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
Why will you never meet an ice cream workaholic?
They know how to chill out.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate? A Kitty Kat bar!