How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
What did the arrogant pickle say?
I'm kind of a big dill.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.
One day, tamarind, curry and ice were crossing the road. All of a sudden they heard a gunshot. Then, tamabrind ball, curry duck and ice-cream!
What's a nervous person's favorite drink?
Insecuri tea!
What was Valentine’s favorite dessert for the French cat?
Chocolate mousse
Why was red in awe of orange?
“Because orange blue green.”
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
What did the insulted orange say to the kiwi? Ex-squeeze-me?
What did the pizza say when it asked the topping out on a date?
I never sausage a beautiful face.
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
The peach was late for work because it had to make some pit stops on the way.
Forget about watermelons, I heard having a windmelon your property is the best way to get clean and renewable electricity.
What do you call a fruity pop star? Katy Peary.
Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
The peach sports organization rended a commercial peach for a game of peach ball.
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!
The perfect name for a sad and morose strawberry is a blueberry.
The IT peach-guy is an expert in the field of peach synthesis.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
Why did the banana go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date.
What’s the healthiest part of a donut?
The middle.
I really like corn, but I can't find it because this time of year it's never in stalk
I caught my sister click and post a picture of the soupy noodles yesterday. She was actively instagramen.
What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.
What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater!
What do you sing to cows on their birthdays?
Happy birthday to moo…
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym?
Hard core.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
Did you hear the one about the watermelon pirate who went to the Caribbean? Must have desperately wanted to catch some arrgh and arrgh.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
I hear Jake finally broke up with his crazy grocer girlfriend; never could tell water problem was.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
Nobody wants to sit next to the watermelon in the class because it has a strange smelon.
The guilty conscience of stealing and consuming a whole peach is getting to me. I feel like there's a pit in my gut.
What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
Strawberries have berry good eyesight because they are packed with a lot of Vitamin See.
What kind of cookies do poor people want during Halloween? Fortune cookies.
Nobody would ask the strawberry to go to the prom because it was past her sale by date.
What happens when you buy too much ice cream?
Breyer’s remorse.