Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?
He wanted chocolate milk.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?
It was icing on the cake.
Why should you make a cherry pie for someone that you miss? Because absence bakes the heart grow fonder.
Why did the wheel act so bossy? Cause he was the "Big Cheese."
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.
Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.
Child: Yea...
Dad: Then why is there only one?
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns! What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A "hollow-weenie!"
Forget about watermelons, I heard having a windmelon your property is the best way to get clean and renewable electricity.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
Don’t ask me why I love wine. I have my rieslings.
The soup that my mom made for dinner healed my flu in a day. It was almost soup-er natural.
Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
The baby strawberries were berry upset when they heard that both their parents were in the jam.
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
What kind of cheese to beavers eat?
Edam.
There’s this corn on the cob stand that I really like, but it started making ads
They were really corny.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
How does a pineapple answer the phone? “Yel-low?”
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
Is an argument between two vegans, still called a beef?
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a “punch.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
What do they say when you leave the cheese store?
Have a gouda day!
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
Potatoes that are medi-tators maintain calm and peace even when uprooted.
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year... Sorry to squash your enthusiasm.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
A never-ending natural supply of beer?
Hops springs eternal.
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado?
“Well, this is guacward.”
I think therefore I yam.
If my Hindu girlfriend thinks I'm going to eat Indian food, she has another think cumin.
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
What do you call bacon with salt on it
Salt and Peppa
If you are wondering about the fuzziest character in the gaming world, well it is definitely Princess Peach.
What did the corn farmer give to his therapist?
An ear full.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?
Gourdgeous.
A chap goes to see the doctor with salt on one ear and pepper on the other. The doctor says, “You need to start eating more sensibly”.
What do you call young avocados?
Avokiddos.
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.