I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?
“Lack of concentration.”
Are there any funny red wine puns at BabaMail Jokes?
You bet Shiraz there are!
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
Where do you go to learn how to make ice cream?
Sundae school.
What did the Soup Nazi say to the canine? What Soup Dawg.
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
What’s the opposite of Himalayan salt?
Herastandin pepper.
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
I hate it when I run out of bread for breakfast. I am lack-toast intolerant.
Why will the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch!
In a world that is full of apples, it is much better to be a pineapple.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
"Chardonnay or should I go?"
The cookie monster couldn’t make his bed, why? Because he couldn’t find his cookie sheets.
Q: Why did the fruit go to the salon?
A: To peach her hair blonde.
I can't get my wife to try Mediterranean food.
She doesn't like hummus, which is a naan-starter.
I recently got told ketchup doesn't actually use tomatoes
But I can't find a reliable sauce on that.
My girlfriend was seasoning the soup. I asked, "What spice is that?", and she replied "Sage".
I said, "Sounds wise".
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite video game, well it's definitely 'Super Princess Peach'.
How do you make a mango shake?
You take it to a scary movie.
What do you call cheese that is sad? Blue cheese.
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
Did you hear about the little people starting a beer making operation?
It's a micro brewery.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
Peaches tend to be really mean. After all, they have hearts of stone.
I told my mom there was a crack in her mug...
She said, ”No, only tea.”
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
Cow's that eat strawberries give strawberry milk.
"Great minds drink alike."
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
The young loaf of bread ended up getting fired from his job because he kept loafing around. Poor guy.
What kind of evidence can a donut not take to trial?
Anecdoughtal evidence.
I used to randomly steal beverages off people...
I stopped when I realized it wasn't my cup of tea
My mother is so fastidious that she eats her alphabet soup in the alphabetical order.
No one laughed at my soup puns. I said "When I crack a soup joke, everyone is soup-posed to laugh".
Did you hear about the cheese failed to medal at the olympics? It fell at the final curdle
Have you ever tried pineapple milk? Do you know where it comes from? Obviously from the pine – nipples!
What happened to the football team that practiced in a corn field?
They got creamed!