Someone who eats bananas must like them a whole bunch.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his tea before it was cool.
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
Did you know that if you poured salt on a cat's tail it will fall off?
It's true! And if you pour pepper on a cat's tail, the pepper will also fall off.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
I thought of a new joke that started in a corn field.
But I'm not going to post it bc it's too corny.
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
What did the baby corn call his dad?
Pop corn!
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
What kind of cheese to beavers eat?
Edam.
Taco Bell overcooked my food
I asked for a brrrr-ito and an en-chill-ata.
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
Last time I was in France I wanted to ask a question about strawberries
But I wasn't sure how to fraise it.
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
What kind of cookies do vulcans love? Spockolate chips.
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
He is the best chef in the city. His soups take my broth away.
What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?
Baking soda.
What's yellow and writes? A ball-point banana.
"Time to wine down."
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
What happened when an orange, an apple, and a banana all went on a picnic together?
They had a “fruit-ful” day.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
What do you tell your friend after she breaks up with a cheese lover?
You’re cheddar off without him!
What do two tomatoes do after not seeing each other for a long period of time?
They ketchup.
Did you hear about the ice cream that went to prison?
They got their just desserts.
A farmer complained that he didn't have enough fruit to make a living.
I told him he needs to grow a pear.
I've just invented a new Canadian beer
It's a form of I.P.Eh
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
What is a vampire who loves eating strawberry jam called? A jampire.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice.
She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.
When would an apple be not an apple? When it is a pineapple!
So I was cleaning my spice cabinet...
and now I have a lot of thyme on my hands!
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
What is the only time you start at the red and stop at the green?
“When you eat a watermelon!”
We had made everything for the party and the groom came in, did a quick assessment and didn’t seem amused. “Orange you glad we did this?” we asked him.
Why is Mrs Mayo mad at Mr Ketchup?
She caught him watching the salad dressing again.
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
"You can't sip with us."
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
Why couldn’t the donut reach enlightenment? Because it was already holy.
What do you call a strawberry in math?
A berry-able.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”