What do you call a cow that has 1 leg? Steak
The retiring orchard gardener made a farewell peach that was really heart-warming.
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
The peach was late for work because it had to make some pit stops on the way.
What did the insulted orange say to the kiwi? Ex-squeeze-me?
How do you spot a radical baker?
They’re always going against the grain.
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
I had thought of a lot of good bread puns, but they seem to have gone a rye. I know the feeling.
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
What's an astronaut's favorite meat? Launch meat!
A cream-filled donut and an eclair decided to get a divorce.
It’s a sad story, but the real victims are their children. They’re in for a grueling custardy battle.
"You had me at merlot."
What song do young peaches love listening to? 'Papa don't peach'.
Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn't find a date.
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
“How are you? ” “Well, I yam fried”
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
Why doesn't Daniel Tosh eat Hot Dogs? He can't find the zipper
Q: Why did the cherry stop in the middle of the road?
A: It ran out of juice.
What's the only tea an Englishman can't stand?
Humidity.
What beer does everyone at the orphanage drink?
Foster's.
The favorite drink for batman is a fruit punch.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are at the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
When we spill soup on the comic book, we will get soup-erman.
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
Some people say popcorn is hard to chew. There’s a kernel of truth to that.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
What would a potato say to a peach? – “You have a nice pit!”
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
Whats the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain? Camembert (Come On Bear)
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
How did the roommate who stole the last avocado from the fruit bowl justify her thievery?
“I know it’s wrong, but it feels so ripe!”
I tried to make my own condiments but, the recipes change so fast, it's hard to ketchup.
I lost my grip, and my beer shattered on the floor.
This Corona outbreak is really getting out of hand.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
I'm not too fond of not finishing my entire bowl of cereal. I think I have irritable bowl syndrome.
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
Why do the hot dogs with ketchup spoil early?
Because the sauce ages.