What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist? – It is a great peach of work.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
What do you call a cold little taco?
A brrr-ito.
Why shouldn’t you go into business with a watermelon?
“They’re seedy.”
Cherries are the worst soft fruits to watch scary movies with. They spend the whole time hiding behind a cushion as they are cherrified.
How does a vampire make tea? With a used tampon.
What do murderers drink? Cruel-tea.
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
What do you call 2 fruits that can't get married?
Cantelopes.
What is a basketball players favorite kind of cheese? Swish cheese!
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
Ugh.. I ate too much hummus..
And now I filafel.
Everyone needs to eat bread because loaf is what makes the world go round. Loaf truly is.
Which Oiler great had a soft spot for Indian food? Jari Curry.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
What’s Another Name For iPhone Chargers?
Apple Juice.
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
In life, the rule of thumb is, don’t bite more than you can chew unless it is chocolate.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado when the dip bowl was empty?
“We’ve hit guac bottom!”
We all know that monkeys of all species love bananas, however, there is one family that doesn’t really fancy them, the orang-utans.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
Soft fruit is not always the best at doing research. They aren’t very thorough; they tend to cherry pick information.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
A packing plant received a load of lettuce to process. The workers grabbed the boxes quickly from the top and the bottoms fell out spilling the produce.
The boss yells, grab the boxes by the bottom, or heads are going to roll!
How do the New England Patriots eat their soup? In a Super Bowl.
What’s a donut’s favorite lullaby?
“Sprinkle, Sprinkle Little Star.”
What did ketchup say while spotting his friend at the gym?
Mustard all of your strength!
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
What was the ice cream cone’s naughty pick up line?
Wanna lick me?
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac
What do donuts wear to weddings? Tuxe-doughs!
I keep thinking I'll make breakfast pancakes, but I end up waffling.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
At a meeting, Mr. Tomato asked Mr. Peach, "Can you give me the peach cobbler's number, I need to mend my shoes".
What do we get when we mix an iPhone and a Christmas tree? A pine – apple!
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
It's Taco Night, so on my way home, I grabbed a bag of shredded cheese at the store, queso we needed some more.
.
Did I invite you to the Barbecue?
Then why are you all up in my grill?
Why wasn't the bag boy allowed to work at the juice bar?
Because baggers cant be juicers.
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!