How many peaches can you fit inside two cans? It depends how big the Toucans are and if they eat peaches.
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
Ever heard of French Donuts?
They’re the Beigne of my existence.
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
Finally, the call came in and the orange was informed by the person on the other end of the line that the company had orange-d an interview for the following day.
Strawberries love to travel. Their favorite mode of transport is the wind-jam-mer.
In some way, being a bowl of soup is like being a man. You are only blown when you are hot!
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
What kind of apple isn't an apple? A pineapple. What did the apple say to the apple pie? "You've got some crust."
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
When she spotted fake ramen in her soup, she said, “ This soup has impasta in it.”
What is John Lennon's favorite donut? Strawberry' Filled Forever.'
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s sea salt.
Why did the banana go to see the doctor? The banana was not peeling very well.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
Why does the lettuce always win the bodybuilding competition?
Cuz it starts a head and is usually shredded.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
When would an apple be not an apple? When it is a pineapple!
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
What do you call a pig thats wrong? Mistaken bacon.
What do you call a dentist who doesn't like tea? Denis.
Since her parents wanted to become wealthy fast, they ensured their daughter had an orange-d marriage.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate his soup before it was cool.
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
If you put a strawberry in the freezer, you can make a strawberry shake!
What's the difference between a head of lettuce and a unicorn?
One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
Angel food cake, of course!
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
Join us for a slice of fun.
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
Inviting cherries over for a drinks party is easy. Simply start your invitation with “You are cordially invited…”
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops? Swiss!
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag
A tea bag stays longer in the cup.
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
The bag of flour was so confused.He thought that he saw his friend the loaf yeast-erday.
I recently got told ketchup doesn't actually use tomatoes
But I can't find a reliable sauce on that.
What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants!
I like you a latke!
What happened to the zombie that made him visit the doctor? He had a crummy feeling.
My wife misplace the sugar with the salt in her sugar cookies.
It was sodium disgusting.
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
"Be kind, re-wine."