I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies They smell just like burned toast
Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?
“It said concentrate.”
A chap goes to see the doctor with salt on one ear and pepper on the other. The doctor says, “You need to start eating more sensibly”.
What is a monster's favorite food? Ghoul scout cookies.
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
You've really struck a gourd with me...
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
How do you know your eating rabbit soup? When there's a hare in it.
The baby strawberries were berry upset when they heard that both their parents were in the jam.
What did the salt say when the phosphate asked to bond with it?
"NaCl ater."
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path.
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
That wide loaf has a decent bread-th. Nice.
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
John, you have so much po(tato)tential!
If my Hindu girlfriend thinks I'm going to eat Indian food, she has another think cumin.
Mom: Did you watch the movie with the little pumpkins?
Dad: I stopped it early because it was too gourdy for me.
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
Where's a pickle's favorite place to go in London?
Pickle-dilly Square.
The best thing ever to put in a strawberry pie is your teeth.
What do we get when we mix an iPhone and a Christmas tree? A pine – apple!
The man on the table found hair in his soup. He said in rage "I will take the chef to soup-reme court".
"Thanks a brunch for the meal!", said the punny man when he sat to eat.
My girlfriend spilt hummus all over her...
Can't believe that chick pea'd herself.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
Ever heard of French Donuts?
They’re the Beigne of my existence.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
A peach biologist was looking for a peach-tree-dish for his upcoming experiment.
What did the orange do the night before the exam?
He put his nose to the “g-rind-stone” and read the entire textbook.
I found a sour strawberry today. It was berry bad.
"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin.
I told him I'd gourd it with my life.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
My dad said he wanted to steal a pumpkin
but all the stores were well-gourded.
Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth ?
It's meteor.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
What do you sing to cows on their birthdays?
Happy birthday to moo…
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
The favorite drink for batman is a fruit punch.
Why do communist hate bacon?
Because it’s from capitalist pigs.
What do you call a melon that commits a crime?
“A water-fellon!”
Why did the pirate have a pumpkin strapped to his arm?
He was a squash-buckler.