Which fruity singer was a judge on 'The X Factor'? Cherry Cole.
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
What did mama bread say to her kids?
It’s way past your breadtime!
What did ketchup say while spotting his friend at the gym?
Mustard all of your strength!
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
What do you call an overly cautious cup of tea?
Uncertaintea.
I slept with a lemon once. Now I have lemonaids.
What do you give a horse that has just won the Kentucky Derby? An Appletini.
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice.
She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.
Cherry pie can be a bit aggressive. Rumor has it they go around saying, “Hey! You want a piece of me?”
An apple and an orange signed up for a tournament. No one was really surprised when they had both were seeded.
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
What do you call a lazy spud? A couch potato.
What did the cheese say to the other cheese? I smell something swiss-picious!
One should always practice what they peach.
Knock, knock
Who’s there? CIA CIA, who? CI ate your last doughnut!
Where do bugs go to watch the big game? Apple-Bees.
What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
Why did the orange come back after it was thrown in the garbage?
It was a boom-orange.
I've been on a real hummus kick lately, so as I came home from work tonight, my sister says to me "You're always bringing home hummus now." To which I replied, "Hummus where the heart is!"
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
What do you call a talkative drink? Chai Tea.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s sea salt.
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
"I just want some peach and quiet!," said the orange.
After his meal, the cannibal wipes his mouth and says: “My wife cooks the greatest soup in the world. But I will miss her so much.”
My mother is so fastidious that she eats her alphabet soup in the alphabetical order.
What does a duck that’s made of avocado say?
Guac.
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
What did mamma orange say to little orange after he spilled his milk? It’s no big peel!
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
Why was the peach so sad at the funeral? It left a deep pit in its heart.
Q: Why are orange and banana phones so popular these days?
A: They have appeal.
What’s a donut’s favorite lullaby?
“Sprinkle, Sprinkle Little Star.”
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist? – It is a great peach of work.
So apparently coles has a new thing where you can only have one salad per transaction
They’re calling it coleslaw..
I miss you! I’ll see you tater!
What did one avocado half say to the other?
Without you, I’m empty inside!
Why do girls scouts sell cookies? They wanna make a sweet first impression.
This Halloween I'm gourd out of my mind!
I spent last Christmas with a bunch of soft fruit. I kept getting confused with the toast – they were saying “Eat, drink and be cherry!”
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.