Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
My girlfriend spilt hummus all over her...
Can't believe that chick pea'd herself.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
What’s a good way to start a conversation with a cheese plate on Tinder?
“Hello. Is it brie you’re looking for?”
Do you know what you call the outside of a watermelon?
“Rind of.”
What do you get when it rains potatoes? Spuddles.
What does a duck that’s made of avocado say?
Guac.
How is ice cream as a girlfriend?
The sweetest.
How do you know when a cheese is full of himself?
Whatever you say, he’ll say he is feta.
What was the main job of the bread truck? To haul buns.
What do you call an attractive, Jewish lemon with no worldly possessions?
An aesthetic ascetic acidic Hasidic.
Did you hear about the cheese failed to medal at the olympics? It fell at the final curdle
Sir, did you realize the consequences of naming your son Taco Cheese?
"No, but I have grate expectations."
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
What do citrus fruits use to get dates?
Pickup limes.
Did you hear about the fruit who was convicted of armed robbery?
“Now he’s a waterfelon.”
Why did the baker keep putting too much flour in the bread? Because he was a gluten for punishment.
Did you know that Beethoven's favorite fruit
Ba Na Na Naaa...Ba Na Na Naaa...
Why did the orange’s musical number receive a bad review?
Because it wasn’t an “orange-inal.”
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
What word backwards can predict the future? Cookies (Seikooc as in psychic of you say it).
A strawberry usually needs batteries when it runs out of juice.
Why don’t oranges go around blind?
“Because they take Vitamin See!”
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
What did the orange say before he started his new job?
“The zest is yet to come!”
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
Soup is only musical when it is piping hot.
What is the only time you start at the red and stop at the green?
“When you eat a watermelon!”
If you’re looking for potato puns, you can count on me to chip in.
What did the duck eat for lunch? Soup and Quackers.
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
What do you get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie ? Puff pastry !
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend? Because his friend said dinner is on me.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
The bread baker won the girl over because he kept giving her a flour. How sweet!
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
What did the orange say when a knife pierced it’s peel? Flesh wound.
A peach biologist was looking for a peach-tree-dish for his upcoming experiment.
What do you call bacon with salt on it
Salt and Peppa