A cream-filled donut and an eclair decided to get a divorce.
It’s a sad story, but the real victims are their children. They’re in for a grueling custardy battle.
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
When the strawberry's favorite song came on, he exclaimed "That's my jam!"
What did the Mexican heavy metal guitarist say to his bandmates?
“Rock out with your guac out.”
What is a chillin' banana's favorite song?
Mellow Yellow!
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
What do you call a baby potato? Tater tots!
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
Why did the cheese shop owner finally quit the business?
He was tired of the daily rind.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
Why did the orange’s musical number receive a bad review?
Because it wasn’t an “orange-inal.”
Why do cherry trees smell?
Because George Washington cut one.
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
When do they smother a burrito in cheese? In best queso scenario.
What did the fruit bowl say when it saw Santa Claus come down the chimney? We wish you a cherry Christmas!
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
How do you know it’s cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get
chocolate ice cream.
Why did the Iron Chef have to stop cooking? He ran out of Thyme.
What do you call an attractive, Jewish lemon with no worldly possessions?
An aesthetic ascetic acidic Hasidic.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
What pickup line can you use to pick up a cheese lover?
“Are you cheddar? ‘Cause you’re lookin’ sharp!”
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
Where did Vegans come from?
Hummus Sapiens
Cherries go all out when they go to festivals. You’ll probably see loads of them, running around in pie-dyed shirts.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
Q: What do you call a scary berry?
A: A boo-berry.
What do prison tennis matches and strawberry jam have in common?
Cons-serve
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
What do you call a talkative drink? Chai Tea.
When I took a break from having soup, my mom said "Carry on, why did you stoup?"
Why is corn popular around Halloween?
Because it’s so earie.
Did you hear about the man who stole thousands of dollars worth of rare tea?
He went to prison for Oolong time.
Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
I was throwing oranges at tropical birds. One of them caught one then said: “Toucan play that game”
There’s a great new rock and roll cover artist doing the rounds at the moment – his name is Chuck Cherry.
An immature pineapple is often worse than a mature currant.
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions?
“They’re always melon it over.”