I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
Q: What do you call a scary berry?
A: A boo-berry.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
What goes in dry and comes out wet. The longer I'm in, the stronger I get.
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his donut?
He was stuffed!
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
Knock knock!
Who’s there? Doughnut. Doughnut Who? Doughnut forget to close the door!
Chuck berry was undoubtedly the greatest rock and roll strawberry.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese!
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
What did Einstein say when someone tried to steal his beer?
Nein! Mine Stein!
“Mom, what do we have for this dinner?” – “I cannot tell you. It is a little soup-prise, son!”
The strawberry went out with the grape only because he couldn't find a date.
What kind of cookies do poor people want during Halloween? Fortune cookies.
Did you hear about the bread party? It’s scone be a lot of fun, and wheat love for you to join us.
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
What did the nectarine boxer say to his opponent? "You want a peach of me?"
Did you hear about the sign on the bakery that got everyone talking? It said “I knead dough to live.”
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
A hill-dilly.
Never tell a taco a secret
It will spill the beans
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
What do a pregnancy test and hummus have in common?
They both require a chickpea.
Sometimes, all you need is to shake a few trees to find the perfect peach for you.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden.
How do you make dog bread? You use collie flour.
How did the roommate who stole the last avocado from the fruit bowl justify her thievery?
“I know it’s wrong, but it feels so ripe!”
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
What did the tortilla chip say to the guacamole?
“You are all I avo wanted.”
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film? Catch me if you Cayenne.
You can only know the heart of a pineapple with a knife.
Soft fruit is not always the best at doing research. They aren’t very thorough; they tend to cherry pick information.
Everybody romaine calm.
I’m opening a grocery store that specializes in Swiss cheese and donuts.
I’m calling it Hole Foods.
Before I ducked out to the shops, my wife asked me to put ketchup on the shipping list.
Now I can't read it.
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
Keep calm and carrot on.
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
A lemon says to an orange, “What are you up to?”
The orange replies, “Not much. Just hanging ‘round.”
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.