What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
The watermelon plant didn’t like sharing a garden with passion vines; but they started to grow on him.
What do you call an attractive, Jewish lemon with no worldly possessions?
An aesthetic ascetic acidic Hasidic.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said it was jammed.
Why was the pizzeria desperate for business?
Because they kneaded the dough!
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
What did the orange say before he started his new job?
“The zest is yet to come!”
What did the banker want from the baker?
To pump her nickels.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What do you call Chewbacca with chocolate stuck in its fur?
chocolate chip wookiee.
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
"Say you'll be wine."
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
How does a restaurant get the freshest ingredients? They cut a dill.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice.
Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
Why did the Iron Chef have to stop cooking? He ran out of Thyme.
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
What is a vampire who loves eating strawberry jam called? A jampire.
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
The unripe strawberry wasn't added to the starting lineup of the game because he was too green.
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
What did the priest say before he and his family ate their salad?
Lettuce pray.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes?
To make them light and fluffy.
What did the newspaper say to the ice cream? What's the scoop
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
"Personally, I like people who peach on time, and are always punctual," said the strawberry.
How is bacon like southern Europe?
It's got a lot of Greece in it.
What a spud muffin.
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
We had made everything for the party and the groom came in, did a quick assessment and didn’t seem amused. “Orange you glad we did this?” we asked him.
What does a surprised pumpkin say?
OH MY GOURD!
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
Have you ever tried kangaroo meat? I have. It was tasty, but it made me a bit jumpy.
Here’s another one; what about an otter who lives in an emptied out melon? An ottermelon.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
Why was the orange the valedictorian of her class?
She was the zest in class.
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
I recently got a new job as a golf caddy, but I was fired after less than an hour.
The guy asked me for a sand wedge. I don't think he likes pickle.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.