Did you hear about the flatmate who woke up to a spicy toothbrush? He had it cumin.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
Why are you eating a banana with the skin on? Oh, it's all right. I know what's inside.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you going to let me in?.
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
Why can't chefs play baseball? They always get caught trying to steal a basil.
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
Why don’t most people enjoy jokes about taco shells?
They’re too corny
What do you call a cute donut?
A-dough-able.
Who is a potato’s favorite author? Edgar Allen Poe-tato.
The fruit politician is losing its support in the country because of hate peach.
"Sip, sip hooray."
Q: Who is Peach’s favorite actor?
A: Brad Pit.
Somebody was doing a speech and said, "This might be corny," and pulled out a couple of canned corns. Guess what happened next?
Total pundemonium.
What does a duck that’s made of avocado say?
Guac.
When the unripe strawberry saw the ripe one, it was green with envy.
What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
Desserted
My doctor recommended exercise to slim down as well as some orange juice for vitamins
It’s the weight and C approach I guess.
What is a lion’s favorite cheese?
Roarquefort.
Why are apples afraid to grow in the United States? Because they don't want to be as American as apple pie.
I saw a strawberry with a gun, robbing a man. I am guessing he was in a jam.
Due to unusually successful harvests of chickpeas this year, the price of hummus is going to fall dramatically.
Buy the dip.
What do magician avocados say?
Avocadabra!
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror ? Halloumi (Hello me)
What do cannibals eat for dessert?
Chocolate covered aunts.
Why did the orange cry?
Someone hurt its peelings.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest? A Holy Donut!
What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
Why does the cookie monster fear the gingerbread man? Because he’s one tough cookie.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commentater!
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
Every December, I really like making an emulsion of egg yolks, melted butter and lemon juice.
So its guaranteed to be a Happy Hollandaise
A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
What's red and has 7 dents in it?
Snow white's cherry!
Why did the donut go to the doctor?
He was feeling crumby.
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
Soft fruit is not always the best at doing research. They aren’t very thorough; they tend to cherry pick information.
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
Why did the hummus blush?
Because it saw a chickpea!
So apparently coles has a new thing where you can only have one salad per transaction
They’re calling it coleslaw..
Tennis matches and strawberry jam have one thing in common. Cons-serve.
Why did the man continue to eat whole peaches? Because he has a bottomless pit.