What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?
Mice cream and cake!
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Kevin Bacon
Did you know you can make a really good music player out of a cherry cake? It’s called a gateau blaster.
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
"Alcohol you later."
Q: Why are cherries never lonely?
A: Because they hang around in bunches.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
"Giving you more reasons to wine."
Why did the cherry blossom tree seem scared when it was trying to make a cherry pie? Because it was baking like a leaf.
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
What vegetable is not allowed on ships? Leeks.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
During the summer break, I enrolled myself in a peach coding course.
What can you make with 6.02 x 10^23 avocados?
Guaca-mole.
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
The strawberry went out with the grape only because he couldn't find a date.
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
What did the cherry say to the cherry pie? I really crust you.
What kind of fruit salad is most resistant to sunburn?
The kind with extra melon in.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
What is ice cream’s preferred breed of dog?
Dashchundae.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
Taco Bell overcooked my food
I asked for a brrrr-ito and an en-chill-ata.
"It's wine o'clock."
“How are you? ” “Well, I yam fried”
What did mutter say to paneer? Tu cheese badi hai mast mast.
What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor? Ground Beef What do you call a cow with no front legs? Lean Beef
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
Tennis matches and strawberry jam have one thing in common. Cons-serve.
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?”
The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel.
If you put a strawberry in the freezer, you can make a strawberry shake!
Did you hear about the cheese failed to medal at the olympics? It fell at the final curdle
Whom did the cheesy Bible start with? Edam and Eve.
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
Say this aloud: Eye Yam Stew Peed
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
The two slices of bread decided to leave the bakery. I heard that they wanted to grow mold together.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
There's no need to cherry your feelings, I know you love me really.
Did you see the award-winning movie about a hot dog? It was an Oscar wiener!