Why do bananas wear suntan lotion? Because they peel!
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
One day, tamarind, curry and ice were crossing the road. All of a sudden they heard a gunshot. Then, tamabrind ball, curry duck and ice-cream!
What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
Finding half a worm.
What do you call a watermelon that spends all day at the beauty spa? Must be a hottermmelon.
How does a vampire make tea? With a used tampon.
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?
Mice cream and cake!
Why did the man go into the pizza business?
He wanted to make some dough.
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
What do you call someone who steals from the keebler elves? A crook-ie
What drink breaks the ice? Flirt-Tea. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
What can a whole orange do that half an orange can never do?
“Look round!”
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag
A tea bag stays longer in the cup.
What do you call a womanising chocolate? A cad-bury.
I squeezed a lemon on my wife's lap two hours ago...
She's been a sourpuss about it ever since.
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
He had a halloweener.
What do you call an oriental cheese? Parm-asian
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
A burglar broke into my house and took all my condiments, now I'm Spiceless in Seattle.
I met a girl that owned three french-fry factories. I was impressed but to her it was just small potatoes.
What did Gorgonzola say to Cheddar? Lookin' Sharp.
What do you call a flying cheese?
A curd of prey.
What did the apple say to the almond? You're Nuts!
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
What do you call a pair of cornstalks that are best friends?
Ear buds!
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
"I'd like to make a toast!", said the bread to the bride on her wedding day.
What pizza do dogs eat?
Puperoni.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
What do you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers
What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are $2.50. Deer nuts are under a buck