Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
What are ice cream cones like as parents?
They’re big softies.
We all know that the New England Patriots have their soup in the Super Bowl.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
"Stop and smell the rosé."
What do you say when a fruit wins the talent show? How about them apples?
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
What is a donut’s favorite day of the week?
Fry-day.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
What was the cheese’s strategy when it ran for president?
Make America grate again.
What is the suckiest fruit?
A strawberry.
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
Why did the citrus fruit join the military?
“Because it was a navel orange.”
What did the banana do when he saw a monkey? The banana split!
Why don't anarchists drink green tea?
Because it helps fight free radicals.
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
A cow usually prefers to eat moo-sli for breakfast.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
What is the only time you start at the red and stop at the green?
“When you eat a watermelon!”
What did the piece of Cheddar say to the ghost? I'm Lac-ghost intolerant
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
I recently went to a soft fruit party, where all the food was berry based. It was cherrific.
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
I hope for world peas.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
The retiring orchard gardener made a farewell peach that was really heart-warming.
What kind of keys does a kid skeleton use on Halloween? Cook-keys.
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
A strawberry usually gets stuck often when it gets jammed.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
Why did the potato wear socks?
To keep his pota-toes warm.
What do you call a talkative drink? Chai Tea.
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
I wasn’t sure if I ordered enough tacos from Taco Bell.
So I got a just in quesadilla.
Everybody romaine calm.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
What's red and has 7 dents in it?
Snow white's cherry!
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
A hill-dilly.
I just had the most manly craft beer at my Israeli restaurant.
It was called He-Brew.
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.