What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
The unluckiest berry in the group is the one that drew the short straw-berry.
Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
Because wine snobs hate them!
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
You had to use rennet to curdle the milk for making Ricotta, not lemon juice!
This is not the right whey.
Keep calm and carrot on.
Why did the monkey like the banana? Because it had appeal!
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
hat’s the most sophisticated kind of bread?
The upper crust.
The soup was busy and preoccupied. He was stewing over something his friend said.
Why did the orange turn into orange juice?
It couldn’t handle the pressure.
After I show a peach the way, it says: “I really ap-peach-iate your help!”
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
My herbs were looking a little scuffed, but when I went to go polish them, my friend was already getting ready to help me out. This made me upset, so I grabbed a sprig out of their hands and said
This is my thyme to shine.
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!
Did you hear about the lowest grade of steak? It's where the rubber meats the road.
A strawberry screamed at the other, "Were it not that ripe, we wouldn't have ended up in this jam."
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
Why was the burger sad? Because he had the blue cheese.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
Why did the cow and the bull become so close? Because they became beef-friends.
The oranges have great eyesight because they always keep their eyes peeled.
Why did the dairy farmer go on a diet? She wanted to cheddar a few pounds!
Why don’t oranges go around blind?
“Because they take Vitamin See!”
Why did the pineapple suddenly stop the car in the middle of the highway? Because it just ran out of juice.
Hey you like cherry preserves ?
Never mind, its probably not your jam
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
What do you call a Boston creme donut that’s a straight-A student?
The creme of the crop.
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
I'm not too fond of not finishing my entire bowl of cereal. I think I have irritable bowl syndrome.
What happened to the men who lost their lettuce?
I don't know, but apparently they lost their heads.
Some people say popcorn is hard to chew. There’s a kernel of truth to that.
There's no need to cherry your feelings, I know you love me really.
What did bacon say to tomato? Lettuce get together.
Why did they put Viagra in chocolate bars? You eat it, She says, "Oh, Oh Henry!"
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
Q: What anime series do fruits like to watch?
A: One peach.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
Know what kind of cookies rich people love? Fortune cookies.
Did you hear about the man who used to be addicted to eating raw meat? Don't worry, he's cured now!
Make no bones about it, home made stock is a really good base for soups.
I have a beer snob friend with Photophobia. He hates natural light.
What do you call a very tall cherry blossom tree in Italy? The leaning flower of Pisa.