And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
What do you do when you try to bake a cherry pie for the first time and it doesn't turn out so well? Just wait for the second bite of the cherry.
On Mother's Day we went strawberry picking and made a jam from the fruits of our labor.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
My wife's been on a banana diet.
She hasn't lost any weight, but you should see her climb trees now!
What's so special about twitter alphabet soup? It only has 140 letters.
Did you hear about the banana who went to the doctor's because he wasn't peeling very well?
What did the boy say when his mom made him prepare the corn for supper?
This shucks!
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
The chocolate couple decided to rent a two bedroom sweet for their summer honeymoon.
What drink brings you down to earth? Gravi-Tea.
The only thing that looks like half a strawberry is the other half.
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets Jalapeno business.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his dessert?
Cause he was stuffed.
What did Einstein say when someone tried to steal his beer?
Nein! Mine Stein!
Why do oranges wear suntan lotion? They peel in the sun.
Which search engine is popular amongst mice? Ask Cheese.
Do you know how to get a raise at the bread factory? Try buttering up to the boss.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
Nearly got knocked off of my bike by a council salt lorry.
You idiot, I shouted. Through gritted teeth.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
He is a humble husband. Unlike others, he never blows his crumpet after making breakfast for his wife everyday.
Did you hear? The pilgrims rode the May-Flour so that they could bake bread as they went to America. This is a cute option.
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
What do you call someone who chokes on their tea?
A cough-y drinker.
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
“He lost his rind.”
What did the pickle say when he was told he was going in to a salad?
I relish the thought.
Is an argument between two vegans, still called a beef?
Potatoes that are medi-tators maintain calm and peace even when uprooted.
What do French cherry parents say to their little cherries at home? You are mon cherry.
Why was the baker in a serious panic? He thought that he was in a loaf or death situation.
When you come across a strawberry that uses foul language, it must be berry rude.
What do you call it when a taco stands in your way ?
An obs-taco
When do bakers stop making donuts?
When they get tired of the hole thing.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
Yesterday I went to the store for only 2 items, a rising crust pizza and a strawberry cake. Fortunately they were relatively light, so bringing it home was a pizza cake!
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
Why did the orange get insurance?
Zest in case.
What was Valentine’s favorite dessert for the French cat?
Chocolate mousse
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Fruit puns intended
Does he avacado? Because If not you should let that mango.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden.
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.