What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
How did that avocado baker make bread?
With avoca-dough.
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
Why did the cheese lover hide cheese in the back of his fridge?
In queso emergency.
Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Kevin Bacon
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
What does a pizza say when it introduces itself to you?
Slice to meet you.
I met him yesterday, he was on his way to meet the counselor for a peach therapy session.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
Picking strawberries can be a very fruitful endeavor!
The pancake thought he was the best breakfast food because nobody stacked up to him.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What do you call a womanising chocolate? A cad-bury.
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
Why would the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.
What did Einstein say when someone tried to steal his beer?
Nein! Mine Stein!
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
Why do we love wine puns?
Because they're grape!
What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades? I've felt grater.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
When I took a break from having soup, my mom said "Carry on, why did you stoup?"
Two hot dogs were having a race. One overtook the other, who called out “I see you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup with me!”
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
I tried to make my own condiments but, the recipes change so fast, it's hard to ketchup.
I was asked why I love to clean lemon juice from windows, to which I replied
“It’s easy peasy lemon squeegee.”
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
Did you hear about the flatmate who woke up to a spicy toothbrush? He had it cumin.
Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.
An inspirational speaker came to speak at the fruit stand today. He told us to peach for the stars.
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
What do you drink before you audition for "The Voice" ? Tea-Lo Green
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
What do you call it when a taco stands in your way ?
An obs-taco
What did the father cantaloupe say to his son?
“Watermelon! (Water-my-lawn)”
Q: What’s red and invisible?
A: No cherries.
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
How do the New England Patriots eat their soup? In a Super Bowl.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
How many atoms are in guacamole?
Avocados number.
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
Where do pepperonis go on vacation?
The Leaning Tower of Pizza.
What did the insulted orange say to the kiwi? Ex-squeeze-me?
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.