I've started a Taco Bell themed John Coltrane cover band.x
We're called Crunchwrap Supremex
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
What type of keys does the gingerbread man unlock his door with? cook-keys!
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
Teacher: What are the seasons? Student: Salt, pepper, ginger...
What happened to the cherry that got married to an apple? They are living apple-y ever after.
Boil ’em, mash ’em, stick ’em in a stew. Happy Birthday from me to you!
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
I got arrested for the way I eat corn.
They charged me with a salt and buttery.
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
hat did the pizza slicer say when he wanted to rob the pizza?
“Hand over the dough or I’ll cut you!”
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
What is John Lennon's favorite donut? Strawberry' Filled Forever.'
I watched a documentary about corn fields
It was really quite amaizeing
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
Who is a potato’s favorite author? Edgar Allen Poe-tato.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
Did you hear about the bread party? It’s scone be a lot of fun, and wheat love for you to join us.
What do you call a house that likes food? a Condoment!
What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
Is it bad to swallow a cherry whole? No don't worry, it's just one of the pitfalls of life.
Son: Hey dad, I stole a peach from the grocery store today.
Dad: Why?
Son: I don’t know, but I feel guilty. It’s a real pit in my stomach.
Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
Why did the egg go to school?
To get egg-ucated.
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
I eat a ton of corn everyday.
I guess that makes me a cornivore.
How do berries start off the fruity olympics? They cherry the Olympic torch around the globe.
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
How do you make dog bread?
Just use collie flour.
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
Have a s-mash-ing birthday!
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
What do you call a sleeping pizza?
A piZZZZZZa.
How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.
What do you call bacon with salt on it?
Salt and Peppa.
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
Have you seen that awesome video of a Koala drinking tea high up in the trees?
It’s super high Koala-tea
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!