Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
He is a humble husband. Unlike others, he never blows his crumpet after making breakfast for his wife everyday.
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
Why are oranges the smartest fruit?
Because they are made to concentrate.
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
How can you tell that a blondes been baking chocolate chip cookies? Theres M&M shells all over the floor.
What do you get when you fling salt in a tavern?
A barnacle (a.k.a. bar-na-cl).
What's the hardest tea to swallow?
Reality.
The mother helped her child bake bread because it was a labor of loaf. True enough.
Due to unusually successful harvests of chickpeas this year, the price of hummus is going to fall dramatically.
Buy the dip.
My DJ friend took my advice and simplified his salad recipe.
he dropped the beet.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
The peach sports organization rended a commercial peach for a game of peach ball.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
Why was the potato put in an asylum? It was starch raving mad.
What did the girl dinosaur ask her pet dog?
"Do you want some tea, Rex?"
When the strawberry's favorite song came on, he exclaimed "That's my jam!"
The fruit bat ate the orange because of its appeal. It had such a nice color.
I told the cowboy to eat salad with his fingers
He said he needed a ranch hand.
You say "easy peasy lemon squeezy"
... but I prefer "depressed stressed lemon zest."
How does a pineapple answer the phone? “Yel-low?”
What do cloves use for money? Garlic "Bread."
Q: Why couldn’t the orange believe that her friend had let her down?
A: This was because citrus-ted him!
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What did the pineapple say to the pineapple chunk? Stay golden.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.
What is the most sophisticated class of bread?
The upper crust.
Despite his puns being so orange-inal, nobody really likes them.
It peels nice to be voted in as the most appeeling model in the contest.
Why don’t most people enjoy jokes about taco shells?
They’re too corny
What cut of meat do you get from an extremely tired butcher?
A filet mid-yawn
What kind of party is held in a cornfield?
A cornball!
What type of bar is kid friendly?
A chocolate bar.
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.
The big play is in seven days, you better work on your peach enhancement techniques.
Is tea with additional salt
Salt-tea?
Q: Did you hear about the cherry that liked to explode?
A: It was da’ bomb.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle?
“An Orange County Chopper.”
A farmer complained that he didn't have enough fruit to make a living.
I told him he needs to grow a pear.
Beer doesn't make you fat
It makes you lean.
What's a redneck's favorite beer?
An open one.
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!