The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
Did you hear about the butcher who sat on his bacon slicer?
He got a little behind in his deliveries.
What are ice cream cones like as parents?
They’re big softies.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
Ugh.. I ate too much hummus..
And now I filafel.
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
The oranges hadn’t been peeling well for a week when they finally decided to seek medical attention.
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
What is the pineapple’s relationship status? Pineapply married.
Yesterday I went to the store for only 2 items, a rising crust pizza and a strawberry cake. Fortunately they were relatively light, so bringing it home was a pizza cake!
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
The pineapple is pining for the summer.
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
A cabbage said to a DJ “lettuce turnip the beet!”
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
I saw a pun on chocolate bars but it wasn’t that fun
So I just snickered.
What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur
Tyrannosourest Rex.
Sheep have a clever way of keeping all their four feet warm in the winter; they wear muttons.
The jam bank went bankrupt because of the series of strobberies in the last quarter.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
Why don't bananas snore? Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
What did the pizza say when it asked the topping out on a date?
I never sausage a beautiful face.
Most of the fruits usually drink their juice with a straw-berry.
Why do Communists only drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
It was the pie piper who had led the strawberries to the bakery.
“We are experiencing slight tuber-lence on the flight”
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
The fruit teacher taught figures of peach in today's class.
I allow myself only one donut per year.
This morning I had 433 B.C., 1731, and 1952.
What candy is only for girls? HER-SHEy's Kisses!
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
Q: Why does the cherry have a hard time getting along with others?
A: It has crust issues.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
The orange was really sad at the event because it had no peelings whatsoever for the desperate prune.
What did the cheese say after escaping the mouse? I'm Brieeee!
How do you know when guacamole has gone bad?
When it turns guaca-moldy.
Why are lemons safer than limes?
There’s no such thing as lemon’s disease.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!