Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
What's worst than a monkey eating bananas? A monkey going bananas.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
How sweet is only for girls?
Her-shey’s kisses.
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
People say nothing rhymes with orange. It seems very strange to me.
Oranges rarely pass driving tests, this is because they keep on peeling out.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and Quackers!
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
When I was younger, I once smashed up a nest of heron's eggs.
No egrets.
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
Why couldn’t the donut reach enlightenment? Because it was already holy.
My local restaurant recently lost out on an entire order of the best local beef. No one has herd what happened to it.
What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor? Ground Beef What do you call a cow with no front legs? Lean Beef
What did the salt say after it was pepper-sprayed?
That's nothing to sneeze at.
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
What do you call a pickle that got run over on the road?
Road dill.
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
The orange was really sad at the event because it had no peelings whatsoever for the desperate prune.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
What do you call an evil lemon?
Sour On
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
What do you call a pear with loose morals?
A prostifruit.
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
What's in a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone
Why do cherry trees smell?
Because George Washington cut one.
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
Why would an oreo cookie need to visit a dentist? To get a filling replacement.
What do you call two cookies from the same cookie sheet who fall in love? A batch made in heaven.
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
What would a potato say to a peach? – “You have a nice pit!”
The Japanese restaurant serves the best soups. It will always make miso happy.
What do you call a womanising chocolate? A cad-bury.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
I met a chicken once; she was desperate to join a band. She even had her own drumsticks.
Let's pumpkin spice things up a bit
I am a huge fan of local cuisine, and cooking is my soup-er power!
I was straining some old noodles but eventually, I chickened out. It was such a broth-er.
Why was the cheese asked to leave the restaurant?
The cook said “we don’t serve your rind here”.
What do athletes drink before games? Sport-Tea.
Why does the jellybean go to school? Because he wants to become a smartie.
Why did Eve want to leave the garden of Eden and move to New York ? She fell for the Big Apple !
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
What cheese do beavers like? eDam