Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
Why do farmers make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are corny!
A thesaurus' favorite thing to eat for breakfast is a synonym roll.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
What is the hippest kind of fruit? A bae-nae-nae.
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.
They take their seat and ask the bartender for two draft beers.
The bartender looks at them and says “sorry guys, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
Why did the potato wear socks?
To keep his pota-toes warm.
Young Billy had to mail a loaf of bread at the toast office today.
Damn, look at that pizza! It's an over panchiever.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
I really like corn, but I can't find it because this time of year it's never in stalk
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
"Sip, sip hooray."
What do you tell a cheese going through a hard time?
Ricotta get through this.
The strawberry went out with the grape only because he couldn't find a date.
“How was your day? ” “It was a total disas-tater”
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
Cherry pie will set you back 10 dollars in Antigua, but 15 in Barbados. Yes, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
What do potatoes become when they smoke weed?
Baked potatoes.
No one laughed at my soup puns. I said "When I crack a soup joke, everyone is soup-posed to laugh".
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
What do fruits look for at a talent show? A berry that can really cherry a tune.
Why did the strawberries turned red? Because they saw the salad dressing.
What's the most popular American cheese sitcom? Curd Your Enthusiasm
What kind of birthday cake do they serve in heaven?
Angel food cake.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
The pie-maker couldn't eat any more strawberries because she was already stuffed.
An Native American drank 100 cups of tea.
Next day they found him dead in his tea pee.
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
"Be kind, re-wine."
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
What did one orange say to its friend telling a wild story?
“That’s un-peel-ievalbe!”
If you want day-old soup, then come back here tomorrow!
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
What do you call seasoned and dried robot meat?
Beep chirpy
The retiring orchard gardener made a farewell peach that was really heart-warming.
Don't tell secrets in corn fields.
Too many ears around.
How did Reese eat her ice cream? Witherspoon.
Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock
What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
Desserted