How do hot dogs greet each other? They say “give me some skin!”
Did you know that bread that you make into buns is always relaxed? Yes, they just like to roll with it.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
When shouldn't you drink a hot beverage? If it's not your cup of tea.
What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater!
You can fix a broken strawberry with a strawberry patch.
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
Why did the cheese get in trouble?
It was up to no gouda.
When does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
The young lady had to throw her toaster in the trash. She was diagnosed as black-toast intolerant.
Do you know what you call it when you place beef between two slices of bread? You get a bull-only sandwich.
The baby strawberries were berry upset when they heard that both their parents were in the jam.
What does a duck that’s made of avocado say?
Guac.
What do fruit bowls say when they dress up as a ghost on Halloween? Be cherry afraid!
What kind of candy is never on time? ChocoLATE
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
Did you know, you can actually hide a gigantic elephant in a cherry tree? All you need to do is paint its toenails red. I bet you don’t believe me – but have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? I rest my case.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling crumby!
Why are lemons safer than limes?
There’s no such thing as lemon’s disease.
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
How did that avocado baker make bread?
With avoca-dough.
Why is the corn army so dysfunctional?
Cause there are too many Kernels.
How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?
You take away their little brooms
What do murderers drink? Cruel-tea.
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
What did the piece of Cheddar say to the ghost? I'm Lac-ghost intolerant
What kind of cheese to beavers eat?
Edam.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
I lost 90 pounds in 30 days on the juice diet
Every day I bought one juice for 3 pounds.
What do you call a fruit that doesn't take s**t from anyone? The top banana.
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? Hot, diggety dog.
What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?
Boo tea!
What kind of cookies do vulcans love? Spockolate chips.
Why did the orange come back after it was thrown in the garbage?
It was a boom-orange.
What kind of cheese do alcoholics eat?
Livarot.
Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
What do you call real bacon?
Genuswine
My banana grandad got in an accident last year, he bruised like a peach!
Have you seen that awesome video of a Koala drinking tea high up in the trees?
It’s super high Koala-tea
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
What did one cheese say to the other during philosophy class?
“I dis a brie.”