Why shouldn’t you go into business with a watermelon?
“They’re seedy.”
A cable TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between 7am and 2pm."
Forget about watermelons, I heard having a windmelon your property is the best way to get clean and renewable electricity.
Why did the egg go to school?
To get egg-ucated.
How many grams of protein are there in that slice of chocolate pie? 3.14159265.
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
Q: What is a peach’s favorite book?
A: War and Peach
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
When does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
What do you call a rifle that shoots salt?
A salt rifle.
What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
Have you seen that awesome video of a Koala drinking tea high up in the trees?
It’s super high Koala-tea
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!
Did you hear about the farm dog who liked to strip ears of corn?
He was part husky!
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
A protestor threw a bunch of spices on Jason "Pink" London, but all it did was leave him "Saged and Confused".
So apparently coles has a new thing where you can only have one salad per transaction
They’re calling it coleslaw..
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
Q: Why are cherries never lonely?
A: Because they hang around in bunches.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
When do they smother a burrito in cheese? In best queso scenario.
Who did the Caribbean jerk fall in love with? The Spice Girl next door.
What do you get when you cross an orange with a parrot? A carrot.
What does a cheese say when you ask him to share a secret?
He cantal.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
I’ve got a great idea for an automatic orange peeling machine I hope it bares fruit.
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
Why do bananas wear suntan lotion? Because they peel!
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
What do teapots wear to a tea party? A T-shirt.
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
"Say you'll be wine."
What type of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
Plane Chocolate!
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
Why did the teapot get in trouble? Because he was Naught-Tea.
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
What is ice cream’s preferred breed of dog?
Dashchundae.
What did the paprika tell the salt around Christmas?
Seasonings greetings.
I spent last Christmas with a bunch of soft fruit. I kept getting confused with the toast – they were saying “Eat, drink and be cherry!”
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
Back in the early 2010s, the peach children loved to flock around to listen to Peach Pit.
"I make pour decisions."
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
What do cannibals eat for dessert? Chocolate covered aunts.
What did the pastry chef say when a banana cream pie he made completely satisfies a tyrannical ruler?
It hit despot.
What rhymes with orange?
No, it doesn’t.