The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
A protestor threw a bunch of spices on Jason "Pink" London, but all it did was leave him "Saged and Confused".
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
Why did the orange help the old lady cross the road?
To do a random act of rindness.
Why should you make a cherry pie for someone that you miss? Because absence bakes the heart grow fonder.
A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.
Son: Hey dad, I stole a peach from the grocery store today.
Dad: Why?
Son: I don’t know, but I feel guilty. It’s a real pit in my stomach.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin? First, invade ze kitchen.
What is the best part of Valentine’s day?
The day after, when all the chocolate goes on sale.
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.
What do you call a dentist who doesn't like tea? Denis.
Is an argument between two vegans, still called a beef?
When you find a blue strawberry, try to cheer it up.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
People say nothing rhymes with orange. It seems very strange to me.
Have you heard the one about the lemon cat?
It was a real sour puss.
How does a vampire make tea? With a used tampon.
What is soap's favorite brand of beer?
Sud-light
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
Why are lemons safer than limes?
There’s no such thing as lemon’s disease.
Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road.
Me: "Alexa check my bank balance and tell me which apple product can I buy?"
Alexa- "Apple juice."
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
What does an ice cream lawyer say?
You got served.
I tried telling a joke while drinking my juice for breakfast, but nobody got my punch line.
What do you call an overly cautious cup of tea?
Uncertaintea.
Why do banana's do so well on the dating scene? Because they have Appeal!
Why did the banana go to the hostpital? Because it wasnt peeling very well
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
There’s muffin I wouldn’t do for breakfast.
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
Make no bones about it, home made stock is a really good base for soups.
The orange was really sad at the event because it had no peelings whatsoever for the desperate prune.
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
Unlike peaches, nectarines don't have any fuzz, because they suffer from Alo-peach-ea.
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
Did you hear about the banana who went to the doctor's because he wasn't peeling very well?
When the egg saw the pan, it was terri-fried.
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.