Why was the slice of bread upset with her husband?
He told her she was being too kneady.
The nectarine academic is doing a Ph.D. in 'Peach and Language Psychology' from the University of Georgia.
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
How does the recipe for German Sauerbraten begin? "First invade ze kitchen."
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
Did you hear about the cheese lover who took his girlfriend for granted?
How dairy.
What do you get when you cross an avocado with a two way radio?
A Guackie-talkie
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
What rhymes with orange?
No, it doesn’t.
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?
It was icing on the cake.
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
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What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
A strawberry usually gets stuck often when it gets jammed.
What do you call a sleeping pizza?
A piZZZZZZa.
What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater!
The fruit stutters because it suffers from a peach impediment.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
Why didn't the kids eat their soup? Because they're stew peed.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
What is the best way to stop a pizza curling?
Hide its brush.
Why did the hare go to the taco truck?
He couldn't beat the tortas.
I seem to have run out of tea...
What a catastrotea.
Have a s-mash-ing birthday!
Predictive Text
It's the scurge of the hummus rice.
"I make pour decisions."
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
The bag of flour was so confused.He thought that he saw his friend the loaf yeast-erday.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
My banana grandad got in an accident last year, he bruised like a peach!
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What do you get when you cross Ice, chocolate, a big strawberry, a giant pineapple, and cold milk? The worlds best Sundae!
What does a good spice rack help you win? The Hunger Games.
The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, what do you get?
Arrested.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
Due to unusually successful harvests of chickpeas this year, the price of hummus is going to fall dramatically.
Buy the dip.
My mother is so fastidious that she eats her alphabet soup in the alphabetical order.
Why did the cookie monster rob the keebler elves? Because they had a lot of dough.
What do dogs love to eat for breakfast?
woofles
I yam rooting for you my sweet potato and I won't mash your heart
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
Strawberries are only made in the strawberry plant.