He ordered 6 vodkas, 6 beers and 6 lemonades. The bartender asked if he would like a tray.
"No I have enough to carry as it is."
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
What do you call a cute donut?
A-dough-able.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
I saw a road sign the other day that said "Dip In Road"
I turned the corner and drove straight into a load of hummus
Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?
“It wanted to be a watermelon.”
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
Did you hear about the salad race the other day?
The Lettuce was ahead, but the Tomato was ketchoping up...
How did the Mother Banana spoil the Baby Banana? She left him out in the sun too long.
An artist painted a wonderful fruit painting. It was a beautiful peach of work.
How did the roommate who stole the last avocado from the fruit bowl justify her thievery?
“I know it’s wrong, but it feels so ripe!”
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
What's the difference between French fries and orange juice?
You can make orange juice out of orange, but not French fries out of French
Who is a potato’s favorite author? Edgar Allen Poe-tato.
What happened when a farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel, and a pitbull? He got a hot-diggity-dog.
What do you call a house that likes food? a Condoment!
Why doesn't Daniel Tosh eat Hot Dogs? He can't find the zipper
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
What is soap's favorite brand of beer?
Sud-light
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
What type of bar is kid friendly?
A chocolate bar.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?
Sloppy José
Do not be sad because of these bad words. You are always a fineapple in my heart.
I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
The strawberry was very good at racing because he was always juiced up before a race.
The bread actor was sad because he lost a juicy roll.
Why did the man keep punching his doughy friend?
To get a rise out of him!
What is a potato’s life philosophy? I think, therefore I yam.
What’s a good way to start a conversation with a cheese plate on Tinder?
“Hello. Is it brie you’re looking for?”
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
How can you tell the difference between a monster and a banana? Try picking it up. If you can't, it's either a monster or a giant banana.
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
Have you wondered what made the strawberry such a smoothie? It is the yoghurt of course.
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
Inviting cherries over for a drinks party is easy. Simply start your invitation with “You are cordially invited…”
What Welsh cheese must you always eat with caution? Caerphilly
What is the healthiest fruit?
“An orange. It takes Vitamin See!”
Why don’t most people enjoy jokes about taco shells?
They’re too corny
Knock Knock.
Who’s there? Donut. Donut who? Donut ask, it’s a secret!
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.