And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
If you get an email about pork salt and fat, don't open it.
It's Spam.
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
A thesaurus' favorite thing to eat for breakfast is a synonym roll.
What do you call a lazy spud? A couch potato.
How does the recipe for German Sauerbraten begin? "First invade ze kitchen."
Not only did I have a good time at Taco Bell
I had a Baja Blast
Why does the lettuce always win the bodybuilding competition?
Cuz it starts a head and is usually shredded.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
What did the annoyed peach say to the mango?
Man-go away!
The local baker keeps punching his doughy friend because he wants to get a rise out of him.
What kind of potato do you want to take home to your parents? A sweet potato.
I felt like telling you the joke about a strawberry jam on a piece of bread, but I won't. You might go around spreading it.
What do you get when you cross a goblin and cheese? Muenster cheese.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
What do red berries say during the season they love best? Cherry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
I’m zesting a lemon for a recipe right now
It’s really appealing
A strawberry's favorite place to visit is Jam-aica.
Young Billy had to mail a loaf of bread at the toast office today.
How sweet is only for girls?
Her-shey’s kisses.
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
"I need to re-wine my life."
A chap goes to see the doctor with salt on one ear and pepper on the other. The doctor says, “You need to start eating more sensibly”.
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle? – An Orange County Chopper.
The plural of mango should be changed to mengo
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
Why didn't the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!
How do you spot a radical baker?
They’re always going against the grain.
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
Soft fruits make really supportive parents. Whenever their youngsters fail at something, they just smile and say “Have another bite at the cherry.”
What do pigs drive? Pigup trucks.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
"I make pour decisions."
When I was learning how to cook soups, my mum asked me to follow my instinct. She asked me to go with the pho.
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
Why was the well done steak a terrible gossip? It wasn't juicy enough!
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
I've been hitting the bottle pretty hard recently.
Still can't get the last of that ketchup out.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.