Did you hear about the potato that got its head chopped off? It was decap-potatoed.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
What do you call a stolen yam? A hot potato.
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
Why did the banana go out with a lemon?
Because it couldn't find a date!
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
Q: Why did the orange cross the road?
A: Because everyone thought he was a chicken.
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
I love you a tot!
When potato chips don’t sell fast enough, the maker knows it will soon be crunch time.
An Native American drank 100 cups of tea.
Next day they found him dead in his tea pee.
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
A mathematician walks into a bar and says, “One beer for me, and 10 beers each for all my friends!”
Bartender: "Now that’s an order of magnitude!"
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
Apple and orange were the only two left that evening. Everyone else had dates.
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
What do you call a potato that has turned to the dark side? Vader tots!
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!
What does a real cheese freak say when they come to your door?
“I’d like to talk to you about Cheesus.”
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
What did Yoda say when he turned a patron away for ordering a pie?
“Dough. Or doughnut. There is no pie.”
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
What cheese should you use to hide a horse? Mascarpone.
Why was red in awe of orange?
“Because orange blue green.”
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
What do you call a cute donut?
A-dough-able.
I recently got told ketchup doesn't actually use tomatoes
But I can't find a reliable sauce on that.
Potatoes that are medi-tators maintain calm and peace even when uprooted.
Why was the burger sad? Because he had the blue cheese.
Subway - Lettuce know how we did.
Why is it harder for Orange Juice to slide across a floor than apple juice?
Pulp Friction.
What do you call a womanising chocolate? A cad-bury.
Why wasn't the bag boy allowed to work at the juice bar?
Because baggers cant be juicers.
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
Why did the dairy farmer go on a diet? She wanted to cheddar a few pounds!
The Paddington bears don’t eat lots of marmalade sandwiches because they are already stuffed.
Teacher: What are the seasons? Student: Salt, pepper, ginger...
The plural of mango should be changed to mengo