My father loves eating reams of soup. That is the reason why I think he should be nominated to the Soup – ream – court!
Why are hot dogs angry? Because they are always getting roasted.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
Why did the croissants take the donuts and bagels to Disneyland?
They thought it would be fun for the hole family.
I had a salad pun, but I tossed it
I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies They smell just like burned toast
Did you hear about the fruit who was convicted of armed robbery?
“Now he’s a waterfelon.”
It was the pie piper who had led the strawberries to the bakery.
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
How do you know your eating rabbit soup? When there's a hare in it.
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
In some way, being a bowl of soup is like being a man. You are only blown when you are hot!
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
Time fries when you’re having fun!
If you want day-old soup, then come back here tomorrow!
“My bowl of soup must be cracked as it is all wet down here”. “Well, I guess it is because your soup has a leek in it.
What did the cheese say after escaping the mouse? I'm Brieeee!
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
There’s this corn on the cob stand that I really like, but it started making ads
They were really corny.
Why did one melon break up with the other melon?
“He didn’t know water problem was.”
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
A musical strawberry jam that knows how to play the trumpet is called Tooty fruity.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
What do you call two banana skins?
A pair of slippers.
How did the baker cut four loaves of bread at the same time? By buying a four-loaf-cleaver.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
What do you get when you photocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
Why did the orange come back after it was thrown in the garbage?
It was a boom-orange.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
When you come across a strawberry that uses foul language, it must be berry rude.
Why did the banana go to the hairdressers? Because it had split ends!
Why will you never meet an ice cream workaholic?
They know how to chill out.
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers!
What did one hummus say to the other hummus
“Sabra.”
Is tea with additional salt
Salt-tea?
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
Did you hear about the flatmate who woke up to a spicy toothbrush? He had it cumin.
Why should you always bring a bag of tortilla chips to a party?
In queso emergency.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don't eat.
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.