Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
---
What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
My doctor told me to cut down on red meat.
So, could you brown it up a bit?
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.
The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
Do you know how to get a raise at the bread factory? Try buttering up to the boss.
Did you hear what happened with the sourdough bread? It really rose to the occasion today.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
I spent last Christmas with a bunch of soft fruit. I kept getting confused with the toast – they were saying “Eat, drink and be cherry!”
Which Star Wars character was the orange cast for?
Emperor Pulpatine.
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path.
What's a nervous person's favorite drink?
Insecuri tea!
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
Did you hear about the potato that got its head chopped off? It was decap-potatoed.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.
When do bakers stop making donuts?
When they get tired of the hole thing.
A burglar broke into my house and took all my condiments, now I'm Spiceless in Seattle.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
Know what kind of cookies rich people love? Fortune cookies.
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
They asked how the watermelon farmer felt after winning the lottery; clever bugger said he felt like a melon bucks.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
I was hoping my friend would catch the lemon-lime soda i tossed her.
But unfortunately Sierra Mist
What kind of ice cream does Dracula eat?
Veinilla.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
I tried to make my own condiments but, the recipes change so fast, it's hard to ketchup.
What did an angry donut say to his wife?
Donut talk to me.
What do cannibals eat for dessert?
Chocolate covered aunts.
When I was learning how to cook soups, my mum asked me to follow my instinct. She asked me to go with the pho.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
What does a pizza say when it wants to cuddle?
Fold me close.
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
Did you hear about the corn stalk that changed careers?
He went into a different field!
Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
"Partners in wine."
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
What happens to Germans when they eat too many lemons?
They become sour krauts.
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
One should always practice what they peach.
Did you hear that the diet clinic was doing great business? They say that it’d really take your breadth away.
Tennis matches and strawberry jam have one thing in common. Cons-serve.
Wondering about a peach's favorite movie? Well it has to be the 'King's Peach'.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.