What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
I wasn’t sure if I ordered enough tacos from Taco Bell.
So I got a just in quesadilla.
Why are apples afraid to grow in the United States? Because they don't want to be as American as apple pie.
Wondering about a peach's favorite sci-fi novel? It's 'When You Peach Me'.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Moatzeralla
Cherry pie will set you back 10 dollars in Antigua, but 15 in Barbados. Yes, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
Why do the French eat snails? They dislike fast food.
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
What is the hippest kind of fruit? A bae-nae-nae.
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd.
What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that's all up in your face? Too close for comfort food.
Every December, I really like making an emulsion of egg yolks, melted butter and lemon juice.
So its guaranteed to be a Happy Hollandaise
I met a girl in a vegetarian restaurant who said she recognized me, but I have literally never seen herbivore.
Why did the citrus fruit join the military?
“Because it was a navel orange.”
Q: What kind of desserts does a turkey like?
A: Peach gobbler.
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
Q: What would a peach love to pet?
A: A Pit Bull.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden.
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog.
One of the most courageous souls in the world is anybody who looks at a pineapple and thinks that “I bet I would eat it.”
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
Why did the farmer feed his pigs a mixture of sugar, vinegar, and soy sauce? He wanted sweet and sour pork.
Why did the banana go to see the doctor? The banana was not peeling very well.
Why doesn’t anyone like to hang out with crackers?
Someone always cuts the cheese.
"Great minds drink alike."
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
Sometimes, all you need is to shake a few trees to find the perfect peach for you.
"You are so bottlefull to me."
What did one avocado half say to the other?
Without you, I’m empty inside!
Subway - Lettuce know how we did.
What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig? Pulled-Pork
Why did the orange lose the race?
“Because it got Im-peached.”
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
Why wasn't the bag boy allowed to work at the juice bar?
Because baggers cant be juicers.
What do two cherries say when they get married? I promise to cherry-ish you forever.
Why didn't the corn chip advocate wear shoes?
They believed in Fritos.
When do bakers stop making donuts?
When they get tired of the hole thing.
One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?”
The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel.