Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock
When the mama peach found out that his child had failed his class, she was s-peach-less.
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
If you search for pictures of corn on Google you'll only get stalk pictures.
Why should you always bring a bag of tortilla chips to a party?
In queso emergency.
how do you convince meat juice out of a bovine?
You consomme out of him.
Why is the strawberry loved dearly by everyone? Because it is berry sweet.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What do you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
Why do ice cream cones make such bad athletes?
They always get licked.
What do you call a steak hurtling through space? A meat-ior!
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.
What is ice cream’s preferred breed of dog?
Dashchundae.
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
Why do communist hate bacon?
Because it’s from capitalist pigs.
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
If you are ever babysitting a cherry, remember that their favorite cartoon is Tom And Cherry.
Time to celery-brate.
Why did the hummus blush?
Because it saw a chickpea!
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
Q: Did you hear about the cherry that liked to explode?
A: It was da’ bomb.
I met a girl that owned three french-fry factories. I was impressed but to her it was just small potatoes.
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
What do politicans need to drink? Honest-Tea.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
How do you know it’s cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get
chocolate ice cream.
My doctor told me to cut down on red meat.
So, could you brown it up a bit?
What did one Jack-o-lantern say to the other? Cut it out!
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
What did the cheese say after escaping the mouse? I'm Brieeee!
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
What did the waitress say to the customer who wanted free guacamole?
“You can kiss my Hass.“
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
Did you hear about the potato that got its head chopped off? It was decap-potatoed.
My friend: *Throws salt at me*
Me: Don’t assault me!
A lemon says to an orange, “What are you up to?”
The orange replies, “Not much. Just hanging ‘round.”
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
What's yellow and always points to the north? A magnetic banana.
What do peach soldiers say to each other before they are sent into combat? – “Good luck and make sure you come back in one peach!”
Did you hear about the policeman who tried to make love to a bacon slicer?
He had a tip off.
What’s the only type of melon that changes colours at will? Well, a chamelon.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym? Hard core.