It’s too bad that bread puns are always so crumby. Mmm . . . crumbs.
What type of keys does the gingerbread man unlock his door with? cook-keys!
Soft fruits make really supportive parents. Whenever their youngsters fail at something, they just smile and say “Have another bite at the cherry.”
How do little avocados get what they want?
They spread it on thick.
Fake ramen noodles are also called the impasta.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery?
Because he heard the cakes were rich.
Why did the butter keep talking? Because he felt like he was really on a roll.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
What does a caped monkey superhero drive?
A banana-mobile.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
Why did the two slices of bread disappear in the middle of the night? They wanted to e-loaf together.
What do you call an avocado after a priest blesses it?
Holy guacamole.
How do you celebrate orange drink that doesn't expire?
Woo! Tang is forever!
Where did the garlic clove go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
When I took a break from having soup, my mom said "Carry on, why did you stoup?"
When do you put paprika on eggs? Fry-Day.
An Native American drank 100 cups of tea.
Next day they found him dead in his tea pee.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
What did one bread say to another after a long day? Don’t worry because tomorrow will be butter.
Why did Oreo go to the dentist? …
Because he lost his filling!
I made some fish tacos last night....
But they just ignored them and swam away.
What do you call the king of vegetables? Elvis Parsley.
What did the grilled cheese sandwich say to their date?
“You make me melt.”
I seem to have run out of tea...
What a catastrotea.
"It isn't good to keep things bottled up."
Why did he skeleton go to the barbecue? To get another rib.
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
So I was cleaning my spice cabinet...
and now I have a lot of thyme on my hands!
What do donuts wear to weddings? Tuxe-doughs!
The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
Woman’s Rejection: Sorry. I don’t date guys I pit-y
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.
Why was the well done steak a terrible gossip? It wasn't juicy enough!
How do you know your eating rabbit soup? When there's a hare in it.
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
What do cloves use for money? Garlic "Bread."
A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.
When they dug up the grounds the found human romaines.
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to open the door.
My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”
Potatoes have skin. I have skin. Ergo, I am a potato
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
Q: Why could the fruits not see anything?
A: It was peach black there.
How do you make Ohio State University cookies? Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.
Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.
Child: Yea...
Dad: Then why is there only one?
"You had me at merlot."
Q: What kind of decisions do peaches make?
A: Fruitful ones.