Subway - Lettuce know how we did.
What kind of cheese do alcoholics eat?
Livarot.
A strawberry's favorite place to visit is Jam-aica.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
What's slimy cold long and smells like pork? Kermit the frogs finger!
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer
"Rosé all day."
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up! Why did the blonde put a sweater on her hot dog? Because she wanted a chili dog.
What kind of cookies do vulcans love? Spockolate chips.
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
If Santa made love to a pickle, what would they call their baby?
Claussen.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
What can a whole orange do that half an orange can never do?
“Look round!”
What do you drink with the Queen of England? Royal-Tea.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
How did that avocado baker make bread?
With avoca-dough.
Why are popsicles so snobby?
They have a stick up their butt.
What kind of candy makes fun of you? Tootsie Trolls.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling crumby!
What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.
What's the opposite of Green Tea? Fat-Tea.
How does bread woo a lover?
With lots of flours.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!
Dad Ordered Taco Bell
Asked how many Dillas come in their Ques 'a Dillas
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
Mum, you are my soup-er star.
What do you call an apple that's been around the world? Johnny Appleseed.
What is the healthiest fruit?
“An orange. It takes Vitamin See!”
Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? In queso emergency.
National Herbs and Spices Day is celebrated annually on June 10.
Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? Chicken Caesar Salad
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
What is the national fruit of Afghanistan?
Talibanana.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
When the orange started peeling, he was glad it was finally cutting some weight.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
What do you call a male orange?
Mangerine!
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
What’s an orange’s favourite animal? An orange-utan.