What do two cherries say when they get married? I promise to cherry-ish you forever.
What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?
Gu-whack-a-mole-e.
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
Some cherry puns are just pit-i-ful.
How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
Q: How do you call a magic berry?
A: Cherry Potter.
What is the only time you start at the red and stop at the green?
“When you eat a watermelon!”
I got canned from a Orange juice factory...
Just couldn't concentrate.
What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?
Baking soda.
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
What do you call a pickle doctor?
A dill pusher.
Tea pun-packed poem for my mum's birthday card
It’s been oolong time since my mum was born,
About Six-tea years to date,
Chai as you might, you can’t possible list,
her cupious amazing traits
Her balanced demeanour
Her Kindness and (earl) grace,
rooibost sense of humour,
too many to name in this teany space,
to pekoe out just a few does not do her justice,
let’s not stir things up and cause more of a ruckus,
While this ode may be (chamo)miles away from a Maya Angelou,
It’s just an obnoxious way to say how very matcha I love you.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard.
But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
Did you hear about the watermelon who starred in a telanovella?
“It was melondramatic.”
What did the duck eat for lunch? Soup and Quackers.
I had lunch once with a chess player at a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him 3 hours to pass me the salt.
My decision to become a Hindu was a missed steak
Why shouldn't you be too inquisitive with a cherry? Ask no questions tell no pies.
What do you call 2 fruits that can't get married?
Cantelopes.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
The guilty conscience of stealing and consuming a whole peach is getting to me. I feel like there's a pit in my gut.
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
Why should you make a cherry pie for someone that you miss? Because absence bakes the heart grow fonder.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
What did the salt say when the phosphate asked to bond with it?
"NaCl ater."
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
The kindergarten kids were taught the alphabet and peach sounds at school.
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
What drink brings you down to earth? Gravi-Tea.
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
What is a French cat's favorite dessert? Chocolate mousse!
"Let's get fizzical. Pass the prosecco."
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
What did the nectarine boxer say to his opponent? "You want a peach of me?"
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
What’s the worst thing about a bread pun?
It tends to get stale.
I saw a joke about chocolate bars but it wasn’t that funny So I just snickered.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?
Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.
Did you hear about the man who stole thousands of dollars worth of rare tea?
He went to prison for Oolong time.
Cow's that eat strawberries give strawberry milk.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!