Why do gherkins giggle when you touch them?
They're pickle-ish.
It's Taco Night, so on my way home, I grabbed a bag of shredded cheese at the store, queso we needed some more.
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When shouldn't you drink a hot beverage? If it's not your cup of tea.
What’s the best part of a cow? The topside, of course.
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
When the strawberry's favorite song came on, he exclaimed "That's my jam!"
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?
“It said concentrate.”
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
My sister thinks that she is so intelligent. She says onion is the only food which makes her cry. That is the reason why I threw a pineapple at her face.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
What do you get when you cross a goblin and cheese? Muenster cheese.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.
What do you call a fruity pop star? Katy Peary.
Where should you call if you find a bad cheese shop?
The feta business bureau.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
My father gave me a peach. I told him that I wanted a pear. So he gave me another peach.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
Challah if you see me in the streets. Will do.
My mum makes the best soups. She is a real soup-erstar.
You can fix a broken strawberry with a strawberry patch.
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Taking a bite and finding half a worm.
The big play is in seven days, you better work on your peach enhancement techniques.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
When potato chips don’t sell fast enough, the maker knows it will soon be crunch time.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
My friend thought ketchup didn’t exist
So I told him to check his sauces.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
What did baby corn say to Mama corn?
Where's Popcorn?
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
I've been on a real hummus kick lately, so as I came home from work tonight, my sister says to me "You're always bringing home hummus now." To which I replied, "Hummus where the heart is!"
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
You know what they say about when life gives you melons?
You might be dyslexic.
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
I am soup-er into the beautiful girl that I met yesterday at school.
Apples and oranges had a conversation one day. Guess what the apples were saying the oranges, nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.
The arrogant baker declared, “You’ll never hear a complaint about my doughnuts outside this shop window.”
The customer agreed, “It must be the double glazing.”
Did you hear about the policeman who tried to make love to a bacon slicer?
He had a tip off.
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.