Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
What do peach soldiers say to each other before they are sent into combat? – “Good luck and make sure you come back in one peach!”
Be like a pineapple: wear a crown, stand tall, and be always sweet on the inside.
I switched labels in my wife's spice cabinet.
She hasn't noticed, but the thyme is cumin.
Knock knock!
Who’s there? Doughnut. Doughnut Who? Doughnut forget to close the door!
Have you wondered what made the strawberry such a smoothie? It is the yoghurt of course.
You’re wine in a million.
Do you know what is so special about the alphabet soup of Twitter? It only allows 140 letters.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
Last time I was in France I wanted to ask a question about strawberries
But I wasn't sure how to fraise it.
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
What does a good spice rack help you win? The Hunger Games.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Why do ice cream cones make such bad athletes?
They always get licked.
When do they smother a burrito in cheese? In best queso scenario.
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
Nut cookies are the best gifts for nutty friends.
One of the most courageous souls in the world is anybody who looks at a pineapple and thinks that “I bet I would eat it.”
What's the most popular American cheese sitcom? Curd Your Enthusiasm
The chocolate couple decided to rent a two bedroom sweet for their summer honeymoon.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
Do not be sad because of these bad words. You are always a fineapple in my heart.
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
Forget about watermelons, I heard having a windmelon your property is the best way to get clean and renewable electricity.
Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock
Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? He's got no beef.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
Sometimes, all you need is to shake a few trees to find the perfect peach for you.
"Partners in wine."
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
Do you know what you call it when you place beef between two slices of bread? You get a bull-only sandwich.
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
What did the doughnut say to the pizza?
If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole.
After I show a peach the way, it says: “I really ap-peach-iate your help!”
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of "All Natural" ice cream? You get Breyer's remorse!
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.