What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
I was straining some old noodles but eventually, I chickened out. It was such a broth-er.
How do playful monkeys go down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster!
Did you hear about the scientist that studied nectarines? He won the Nobel Peach Prize.
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
Did I invite you to the Barbecue?
Then why are you all up in my grill?
I used to randomly steal beverages off people...
I stopped when I realized it wasn't my cup of tea
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
What do you call a flying cheese?
A curd of prey.
What do you call an evil lemon?
Sour On
What type of person doesn’t like pizza?
A weir-dough.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
What did the cheese say to the other cheese? I smell something swiss-picious!
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
What hotel do cheese lover’s stay in?
The Stilton.
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
How do you make dog bread?
Just use collie flour.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
The young woman decided to become a professional baker. She realized that it could help her earn her bread and butter.
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
When the chef asked me how I would like my soup, I said "I would like minestrone".
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight? Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
What did bacon say to tomato? Lettuce get together.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
I keep thinking I'll make breakfast pancakes, but I end up waffling.
What is the difference between a cow that produces normal milk and a cow that produces chocolate milk?
A mootation
Chuck berry was undoubtedly the greatest rock and roll strawberry.
A crayon that looks like a strawberry is usually called a cranberry.
How does white chocolate turn into dark chocolate?
Turn off the lights.
What’s an orange’s favourite animal? An orange-utan.
Why was the pizzeria desperate for business?
Because they kneaded the dough!
What is a monkey’s favourite cookie?
Chocolate Chimp!
Most of the fruits usually drink their juice with a straw-berry.
Why did the hummus blush?
Because it saw a chickpea!
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
What's a cow's favorite moosical note? Beef-flat
What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
What did the burger meat say to the BBQ? “Is it meat you’re looking for?”
What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades? I've felt grater.
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
I was caught smuggling a taco into the new star wars movie...
...they now call me Rogue Juan